Are you a well-meaning person that is trying to encourage your single friend, even if you are happily dating/engaged/married? Or maybe you are that single friend that wishes your coupled up friends would understand your feelings a little more? No matter which side you fall on, this post is for you. Today I’m sharing some of the top phrases/sentiments that your single friends are tired of hearing.
Before we get into the statements I wanted to share why I feel the need to write a post like this. I have been single all my life. In fact I have never even been on a date. Yes, I am one of those single friends that have heard it all.
So I’ll be sharing these statements from my perspective. I’ll provide you happily coupled readers with insight into what your single friend may be feeling, along with what you can say/do instead.
To all the single readers, I’m not leaving you out here. Not only will you, hopefully, relate to my experiences and thoughts, but I’ll also be sharing ways we can shift our perspectives when we hear these statements. Ready to get started?
8 Things Your Single Friends Are Tired Of Hearing
The following statements are ones that we single people have heard countless times. If you’ve caught yourself saying these to people, be assured that we appreciate the thought behind why you would say it. Hopefully this post can help you discover other ways of showing your support and care.
1) “Being in a relationship isn’t that great anyway”
This is one of the phrases that I hear the most. I get the sentiment behind it. You are trying to reassure us that the grass isn’t always greener. The problem is that we, mostly, see the exact opposite.
We see the couples on their cute dates, romantic proposals, and that’s just in real life. When you take into account the rom-coms we watch and romances we read, being in a relationship seems easy to long for. We see our loved ones happy, and we just want to experience that happiness for ourselves.
What To Say Instead
Instead of just saying this as a blanket statement, let us into what you are struggling with. Validate our feelings of wanting to be in a relationship, but remind us that relationships have their struggles too.
The main problem with this phrase is that it dismisses our feelings. As long as you’re mindful of how you discuss this topic, it won’t be as bad.
2) “You need to love yourself first before someone can love you”
Listen, I am the first person to scream from the rooftops that self love is important, no matter your relationship status. However, I’ve never liked this advice for a couple of reasons and might give you insight as to why your single friends are tired of hearing it.
The main reason being that I never understood why it has to be an either/or situation. Why can’t you find someone that loves you for you while you are on your self love journey? In my opinion I think this is the best case scenario. You are starting to feel confident in who you are from all the self love work you are doing. Then someone comes along and not only encourages your self love journey, but helps you find things about yourself that maybe you didn’t appreciate before.
I understand why this is a popular piece of advice. You’re saying that no one can “complete” you, you have to complete yourself. While I totally get that, I think the phrasing can be hard for someone with low self love to hear. It may make them feel even worse, even if that wasn’t your intention.
What To Say Instead
Let’s get rid of this all or nothing statement, and instead focus on the actions we can take instead. This could look something like saying, “I know you are looking forward to being in a relationship, but while you are single you have the opportunity to focus on becoming your best self.”
Then instead of saying what your friend is tired of hearing, suggest what we could do. Whether that’s going on solo dates, journaling, or reading more personal development books.
3) “You just need to put yourself out there more”
This statement can be taken one of two ways, depending on the situation. If you are saying this to someone who does go out and do things in the city/town/etc., it feels like a low blow. In my mind, if I’m actively going out and trying to meet more people and someone says this it makes me feel frustrated. “What more do I have to do because I’m already doing that?”
On the other hand, if you are saying this to someone who is maybe more of an introvert/homebody it’s also not helpful. It goes against what they are comfortable with. So it will take more than just saying this for them to actually “put themselves out there.”
What To Say Instead
In this situation it’s not so much of what you say, but what you can do. Offer to go out with us and be our wingwoman/man. Or give us suggestions on different ways we can meet more people.
If you know that your single friend is more introverted it may just take more encouragement and knowing that you are there to help bring them out of their shell. Doing that is a lot better than just telling them something they already know.
4) “Why don’t you try a dating app”
I get that you are trying to offer us single people a solution to our problem. The caveat is that the apps are rough these days. Maybe they always were, but in the present time it’s not just as simple as downloading an app and matching with someone.
It seems like there is a new dating app popping up everyday, then once you decide which one to download, trying to find good quality matches is a whole other battle. Then you throw in ghosting and catfishing and you’ve got yourself a headache. Yes, there are some dating app couples that find success, but each person is different, as well as what they can handle.
What To Say Instead
Instead of telling us to get on the apps, offer to help us create a profile and/or go through possible matches. Or better yet, give us ideas of where we can go/what we can do to meet potential dates out somewhere in the town/city.
5) “You’re not getting any younger”
This is probably one of the worst things you can say to a single person, especially a single woman. We are aware of our age, but thank you for reminding us. A big reason why you shouldn’t say this is because you don’t know what your single friend is wanting. They may be happy focusing on being single. On the other hand, a comment like this may bring them down even more. It’s simply just not an encouraging statement.
What To Say Instead
Almost anything else would be better than saying that statement. Something I would recommend is asking us what our future goals are. Talk to us about what we want. Then go from there.
6) “I think you are being too picky”
I don’t like hearing this statement and your single friends are tired of hearing it too. It makes me feel like you are telling us to settle. In my opinion, we should be picky when it comes to finding a partner. This is someone we will, hopefully, be spending the rest of our lives with. If we settle that could turn into resentment and bad feelings down the line.
What To Say Instead
In this situation you want to get us talking about what we are looking for in a partner/relationship. Get us to make a list and talk about it. When we are discussing it you may help us see areas that we could maybe be more lenient with that doesn’t feel like settling.
7) “Just stop looking and enjoy your single years”
Here is a thought, what if we can both enjoy our single years while also being open to getting into a relationship? There are many of us that legitimately enjoy the freedom of being single. But that doesn’t mean that we are opposed to the feelings of wanting to love and be loved.
It’s the little things like receiving good morning texts, always having someone to attend events with, and cuddling after a long day that we are also longing for when we are busy enjoying the single life as well.
What To Say Instead
Instead of telling us to stop looking, dig into why we may be wanting to get into a relationship. If it’s something like having someone to attend events with, offer to go to the next one with us, if we are looking for connection make it a point to text us more. Then show us the benefits of being single right now. This won’t substitute those longings for us, but they may make us feel better for now.
8) “We could set you up with a friend of ours. What if we went on a double date!”
I appreciate the gesture here. I’ll admit that it’s better than setting us up on a solo blind date. The problem with a double date set up is that it can be awkward.
You are with someone you’ve never met alongside a couple that are already in sync. Whether it’s the awkward small talk, or feeling like you have an audience, it just isn’t as fun as it sounds. Avoid this line your single friends are tired of hearing at all costs.
What To Say Instead
If you really have someone in mind for us, consider a different way to introduce us before setting up a date. Connect us through a message, or invite us to a house party/event. This will help us meet and get to know each other on our terms in a more natural way.
To My Single Readers When You’re Tired of Hearing These Phrases
I’m sure you’ve heard one, or multiple, of the phrases above. Next time, instead of rolling your eyes or brushing it off, sit with it for a minute. Try to see it from your loved one’s perspective. If they are saying it to be mean then shake it off, but they may genuinely think they are being helpful.
If that’s the case try explaining to them why what they are saying isn’t helping then tell them how they can support you instead. It may be as simple as having a conversation that will keep these phrases out of regular use.
Final Thoughts on What Your Single Friends are Tired of Hearing
I hope that whatever life stage you are in, you got something from this article. Remember, it’s less about the actual statement, but more about the intent behind it. I think if we can work to understand each other’s viewpoints more, we will have better conversations surrounding singleness.
With that in mind, do you have any questions about singleness, or anything you want to say about the topic? Let’s continue the conversation in the comments!
About the Author
Kelly graduated from Liberty University with a degree in Advertising and Public Relations and a minor in Journalism. Even though it took her a little while to find her career path, she was always meant to be in Communications. She remembers writing poems and songs when she was a little girl and pitching to my parents the reasons why I should have a cell phone when I was a teenager. She currently has a blog (budding-joy.com) where she talks about her weight-loss journey, mental health and personal development. Her hope is to encourage and inspire readers and let them know they are not alone. Reading blog posts like that are what helped her in tough times and she wants to pay it forward. She loves dance fitness, listening to music, and creating layouts in her bullet journal. She's a big fan of planning, especially when cute notebooks and pens are involved. Her dream job has changed so much over the years; right now she'd love to co-own a dance studio.
Website: budding-joy.com