I often hear my single friends complain about being single and how dating is hard. They are right. Dating is hard. It doesn’t get easier.
Especially now when it is so easy for people to ghost a guy or girl they are dating out of nowhere. There is always one person thinking things are going great. Then out of the blue you never hear from that person again and with no reason why. But the truth is there is a reason why and maybe it is because some of us keep making the same dating mistakes.
I am by no means a dating expert but spending the majority of my twenties single and in the dating game has definitely taught me a thing or two. When I hear my single friends complain about the same things over and over again, I can’t help but think what is the common denominator here? I hear what they do in their dating life and cringe thinking, “Why would you do that?” or “Did you really think that would work?”
Dating is a rough game this day in age. It is not like the old days when a guy would court a girl he liked and then ask her to go steady. Living in the age of technology, the dating game has changed quite a bit from how things once were. In light of this ever turmoil of dating in your twenties, I knew I needed help. I needed to get the male perspective as well. So I asked someone for help to craft this list of bad habits based on what he has experienced in the dating world too.
Here it is ladies and gents, 10 dating habits you need to break now!
1. Stalking their social media.
This is the first thing you must not do when you start dating someone. There are two major reasons you need to refrain from stalking all their different social media pages.
The first, the whole point of dating is to learn about each other. If you stalk their social media and already know the names of his or her entire family on a first date you are taking away from them telling you about themselves. You are already thinking, “Well when am I going to get to meet your sister, Linda?”
The second reason you need to stop stalking their social media is because it will make you go crazy. So you have been dating for a few weeks, maybe even a couple months, don’t go stalking them and getting jealous over what you see. You will make yourself go crazy if you see a cute girl comment on his picture. Or you might be jealous because she liked some guy’s picture she hooked up with in college. Either way it is a lose-lose situation.
2. Texting too much.
We have all done this one. You take time to think of a cute text to send to the person you are dating. Then you wait for a response and hear nothing back. So you send another text and that text goes unanswered. This could go on for a while depending on the person. But sending insistent texts will not make you look good. They are going to make you look crazy, desperate, or like a stage five clinger.
That first text is enough to send. Trust me–they got it and your phone is working. If they haven’t texted back there are at least two reasons for that. One, they are busy and can’t get back to you or two, they don’t really want to respond. Either way texting them a million times isn’t going to help. Just be patient for your answer and if they never answer you back, their silence speaks volumes.
3. Being something you are not.
This is probably one of the biggest mistakes we all make. I know in the beginning of any relationship we are on our best behavior because we want the other person to see all our good qualities. But this does not mean you have to change who you are.
Just because the guy sitting in front of you likes sports doesn’t mean you have to like them too. The person will eventually see through your bullshit and realize they don’t know who you are and that will be the end of it. You should be accepted you for who you are no matter what.
Trust me, it is way more fun to date someone when you are totally yourself then when you have to monitor everything you say.
4. Giving it up too soon.
Ladies, do not have sex with someone just because you think they will like you more. If they are pressuring you to have sex before you are ready then they are not really about getting to know you.
Yes, there are some awesome relationships that work out after sex on the first date but this is not the case most of the time. If someone really wants to get to know you they will put their hormones aside to do just that.
They will wait until you are ready to take that next step because sex is not their end game, you are.
5. Expecting the world.
I feel like television and movies has really created a warped view of what to expect in the dating world. If the guy you are dating isn’t making a grand gesture right away, you are disappointed. But in the real world you are dealing with real people.
You won’t always have a Ted Mosby taking the blue trumpet off the wall off the restaurant of your first date while declaring his love. The real world doesn’t work like that. The only thing you should expect is to be treated with respect and respect is not about grand gestures.
6. Holding on to the past.
One thing I notice most often, something I did a lot, is blaming the person you are dating for what someone else did to you.
Half the time you may not even realize you are doing this to them. If someone cheated on you, you can’t expect the new person in your life to cheat too. It will just leave you paranoid and jealous.
You need to let go of those insecurities in order to really give the new person in your life a real chance to get to know you.
7. Being too picky.
If you think you are perfect you are wrong. The truth is no one is perfect and we need to stop being so picky in the dating world. You need to stop looking for all the negatives in the person you are dating. If you keep doing this you are never going to find someone because you are always looking for perfection.
But you can find the perfect person for you, even with all their flaws. I guarantee they will accept your flaws and imperfections if you do the same for them. Just think, you might be missing out on someone wonderful because you don’t like the way they chew their food or the color of their eyes.
8. Comparing your relationship to others.
Let’s say you and your best friend both start dating someone new right around the same time and your friend’s relationship starts moving faster than yours. Please refrain from comparing your relationship to theirs. As I have mentioned so many times before stop playing the comparison game… because you will always lose.
No two relationships are the same. You need to remember this when you start comparing yours to someone else’s. Everyone has to do things on their own time, if you put pressure on your guy or girl to move faster just because someone else is you will push them away.
9. Picking a fight to see how much they care.
I feel like this should be a no brainer, but according to my male counterpart, this happens. Most often it happens with girls trying to see how much their man cares about them. Picking a fight is not the way to find this out, ladies.
Why do you want to pick a pointless fight with someone you care about? If he cares about you, he will show you through his actions. Picking a fight is not going to prove he likes you more it will just make him think you are unstable.
10. Playing too hard to get.
Yes, there is some element of game playing in dating. The main rule we hear all the time is that girls need to play hard to get. But according to my male counterpart, there is such thing as playing too hard to get. He says, “I just feel like people have too much pride these days. If you like someone go for it and show it. Don’t play the ‘hard to get’ mentality.”
I trust this list helps in your dating ventures. I know by breaking some of these habits myself I have found happiness in the dating world, and I hope you do too.