What to Do When You Don’t Feel Festive

Picture this: Your best friends are in the throes of planning holiday gift exchanges, at-home Christmas parties, and other festive celebrations to look forward to. Your family members are excited about baking cookies, opening gifts together, and creating lasting holiday memories.

Strung Christmas lights cast a glow in the darkness every evening when the sun sets. And Christmas music and advertisements play on every television commercial break. It’s “the most wonderful time of the year,” but it just doesn’t feel that wonderful for you this year. 

Many twenty-somethings don’t feel festive during the holidays at times, so you certainly aren’t alone. Be it stress, grief, loneliness, burnout, the state of the world, or a myriad of other reasons — it’s okay if you’re not feeling merry. Having been through a handful of my own tough holiday seasons, I’m here to share what to do when you don’t feel festive during the holiday season.

1. Sit with your feelings (without judgment) when you don’t feel festive.

First and foremost, you need to know that it’s absolutely okay to not feel wonderful during “the most wonderful time of the year.” Emotional dips are valid. How you think and what you are experiencing is normal, and you deserve space to recognize, honor, and sit with your emotions (even during the busy holiday season).

So first, consider slowing down rather than forcing a cheerful face and energy you don’t have. This might include carving out some solo time (or turning down a holiday event) to give yourself space.

If you enjoy journaling, you might find it helpful to work through questions like:

• What emotions am I experiencing or noticing when I think about the holidays? 
• What holiday tasks, events, or obligations feel heavy right now? Are there any commitments I have that I can release?
• Are there any financial pressures making this season feel difficult? If so, what are some ways I can celebrate without overspending?
• Are there people, places, or traditions I’m missing this holiday season? 
• What would a holiday season look like that’s just for me, not for anyone else?

Even if journaling isn’t your jam, try bundling up and working through these questions on a walk or sitting with someone you feel comfortable with to discuss your answers aloud.

2. Write your own definition of what “festive” means to you this year.

If you remember only one line from this article, please let it be this: You don’t have to let society, your loved ones, or any other cultural script and celebration tell you what it means to be festive. 

After you’ve had the chance to dig into why this season feels challenging and you don’t feel festive, use that information to create your own definition of what it means to be festive.

Your definition may include trading glamorous holiday parties for cozy movie nights, watching Christmas classics at home. Instead of prioritizing elaborate gifts for your loved ones, maybe you all agree that doing a winter activity together, like going snowshoeing and then baking cookies, is how you’ll celebrate. 

Here are a few other low-key ideas to help you brainstorm, but remember, it’s entirely up to you to determine what feels good:

• Brew a cup of tea, hot chocolate, or mulled cider and savor it
• Listen to a holiday song or playlist that feels soothing, not overstimulating 
• Do a winter-themed or Christmas puzzle 
• Choose one or two small decorations to put out that make you smile 
• How a low-pressure hangout, board game night, or movie marathon (holiday-themed or not) 
• Volunteer or commit a small act of kindness for someone else

3. Prepare to protect your energy when you don’t feel festive.

It’s really tough to manage your energy and feelings when you don’t feel festive alongside expectations and social obligations. That’s why it’s essential to prepare to protect your boundaries so that when situations arise, you know how you need or want to respond. 

If you need help navigating family, friends, and other commitments with ease, here are a few tried and true scripts you can use:

For declining invitations

• “Thank you so much for thinking of me! I’m keeping things low-key this season, but I hope you have a wonderful time.”
• “I really appreciate the invite, but I need some quiet time this year to recharge. Let’s catch up after the holidays!”
• “This season is a bit overwhelming for me, so I’m going to sit this one out. Sending you all the festive cheer from afar!”

For managing family expectations when you don’t feel festive

• “Our traditions are important to me, and so is making sure I have enough time to recharge and show up as my best self. Which event would you prefer I attend?”
• “I want to be honest: I need a calmer holiday pace this year. I’d love to participate in a way that feels manageable for me.”
• “I won’t be joining for [specific event] this year, but I look forward to seeing everyone at [specific event] instead.” 

For gift-giving and managing overspending

• “I really enjoy giving meaningful gifts, but I’m keeping things simple this year. Please know it doesn’t mean I care about you any less.”
• “I’m scaling back on spending this season. I won’t be buying gifts for everyone, but I’m excited to celebrate by spending time together!”
• “To reduce the amount of stress and guilt this season can bring, I’m focusing on shared experiences rather than gifts. Would you be open to doing something together instead of buying presents?”

For prioritizing your personal time

• “I’m blocking off some personal time during the holidays to rest and recharge. Thank you for understanding!”
• “I need a quiet evening tonight to reset. Let’s connect tomorrow or next week!”
• “I’m prioritizing my mental health this season. I will be less available, but I still care about you.”

4. Allow the season to come and go.

If we’re lucky, we’ll see plenty of holiday seasons in our lifetimes — 70, 80, 90+. Not every holiday will be filled with magic, and not every year will feel the same—and that’s okay. Even if this is the first season you don’t feel festive, that’s OK. Seasons, by nature, come and go.

The holiday season is temporary, and allowing yourself to move through it without pressure or expectations can be freeing. Trust that this moment, however it looks, won’t last forever, so take it as it is without judgment, forced feelings, or demands from others.

Make the Holiday Season Work for You When You Don’t Feel Festive

The holidays don’t have to look a certain way. Taking care of yourself, honoring your feelings, and choosing what matters most for you is a powerful act of self-care and personal growth.

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