If you hate make decisions, or if you always flip-flop on decisions, you’re not alone. Making decisions is hard for most of us. Let’s take a look at why, and then how we can start making decisions faster and trust our gut.
Ours 20s are all about decisions, from big and small. It’s these choices that really can – and will – shape the rest of our lives. That’s a lot of pressure! We have unlimited options… but with zero certainty. So how are we supposed to figure out what to do? From career paths, to relationships, to where to live, how are we supposed to know what to prioritize?!
It doesn’t help that social media then gives us the illusion that everyone else has it together and everyone else knows what to do. It makes us second-guess ourselves. But it’s important to know that second-guessing isn’t a flaw; it’s actually a response to having too many choices and too much comparison.
Why do We Second-Guess Ourselves in the First Place?
- Too many options. Having unlimited options can be a good thing, but it also can lead to decision paralysis. From streaming menus, to dating apps, to career advice, we have so many more options than previous generations did. It’s overwhelming. How can you choose just one? How do you know you’re making the right choice?
- Fear of locking yourself into the “wrong” life. Every decision we make has a reaction. That reaction can be big, small, good, bad. Often, thinking of how that one bad decision can ruin everything keeps us from wanting to make a choice at all.
- External validation culture. Thanks to social media, we see what everyone else is doing. We “see” others in their 20s who seemed to have made all the right decisions and are living their best lives. Instead of really focusing on what’s good for us, we focus on what others are doing and measuring our value in likes, opinions, and LinkedIn paths.
- Perfectionism disguised as responsibility. Yes, your perfectionism could be causing you to second-guess, a lot. You don’t want to be wrong, and despite your good intentions you fear that you’ll regret your conviction. That “I just want to be sure” mentality is holding you back.
The Good News? Most Decisions are Reversible
That’s right, even though every decision has some sort of reaction… almost all the time it’s a reaction that you can reverse. By remembering this, you’re reducing the emotional stakes you’ve attached to decision making.
There are two types of decisions – one-way doors, which are rare, and two-way doors, which are most of the choices you’re making. One-way doors are the big decisions like marriage, kids, and major financial commitments.
Two-way door decisions are things like jobs, where to live, routines, side projects, and so on. These are the decisions you’re most likely making and are decisions you can change your mind about down the line. Typically these are choices without much – if any – consequence.
Treating every choice you have to make as a one-way door slows everything down unnecessarily. Remember, your 20s are meant for experimentation, not certainty.
Realizing that you’re allowed to change your mind will help you make decisions faster. But how can you actually make those decisions?
Shrink the decision window
Just like you have deadlines you have to meet at work, set deadlines for when you have to make your decision. Do you have 10 minutes to make it? 24 hours? 1 week? Depends on the situation, and everything else you have on your plate.
For instance, if you’re choosing a job, you may want to spend 2-3 days researching it, and then decide on the next day. By making sure that a time box is given to every choice you have to make, you’re preventing endless mental looping.
Define the “good enough” criteria
You’ve heard of pros and cons list. Instead, with this exercise, you’ll focus on the “good enough.” Ask yourself “what would make this decision successful enough?” You should be able to think of 3-4 must-haves at max, and these should be practical items.
For example, if your quandry is about picking an apartment, your “must-haves” would likely include safe, affordable, 30 minute commute, rather than listing the “perfect vibe” as a “must-have.”
Use the 70% rule
If you’re waiting for 100% certainty before making the decision… you’re never going to decide. If you have around 70% of the information and feel mostly aligned to the choice you’re about to make, go for it.
Make the decision once
Commit, Commit, Commit! Once you decide, write it down, and commit to it. Close the mental tab. Close the book. Shut your laptop. You can always make a promise to yourself that you will reassess in 3 months to make sure the decision is still working for you, because as we mentioned above, you’re allowed to change your mind.
Turn “was this right?” into “how do I make this work?”
Instead of fixating on whether you made the right call or not, switch your perspective into action. Own your decision. You’ll find that once you do this and make it work, you’ll be very confident in the choice you made.
How To Stop Second-Guessing After You Decide
You did all of the above, you made a decision fast, but now you still find yourself second-guessing. Here’s how to address that emotional aftermath.
1. Limit post-decision research
You did your research. You made your decision. So, close that laptop. Put down your phone and tablet. There’s no reason to continue Googling things and doing more research because the choice has been made.
2. Create a review date
As we mentioned above, pick a date to reassess your decision. Doing so will keep you from constantly reassessing and thinking about it.
3. Detach self-worth from outcomes of faster decision making
Get rid of the mindset that a bad outcome means it was a bad decision. We think those things are synonymous but they’re not. You can’t control the outcomes. What you can control is the work you put in and what you learn from the experience.
The Bottom Line of Making Decisions Faster
Decision-making is a skill, not a personality trait. Your 20s aren’t about avoiding mistakes, it’s about making them but learning quickly from them. Remember you don’t need certainty, you need momentum, and trust in yourself.
About the Author
Michelle graduated from Fordham University with a Bachelors of Arts '13 and a Master of Arts '14. She's currently working in corporate America with a side of freelance writing. She wants you to learn from her experiences and mistakes so your 20s can be your best decade. When she's not working, she's likely planning her escape to a tropical island.