Is it a good idea to date your best friend? Ideally, in a perfect world dating someone who is already your best friend would be the best. You already care about each other and can be yourself with them. You can talk about anything and don’t have to explain any backstory to them. At the end of the day isn’t the person you marry suppose to be your best friend?
However, dating your best friend is not that simple. There are more factors to consider. Attraction to each other is a big one. The biggest reason to be careful when considering dating your best friend is losing your friendship if it doesn’t work out. I have seen it go both ways. Unfortunately, in my experience, I ended up losing that friendship.
I met my best friend when we were still in diapers. Our families were friends and we grew up together. Most of our childhood was spent calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. In our teenage years we were just best friends because no longer thought about each other in that way. Yes, there were times when one of us considered maybe crossing that line but never did. He pretty much liked all of my girlfriends and I had a new crush every other week in high school.
When we graduated from high school and I went across the country for college we shared had a tearful goodbye at the airport, one of those ones you see in the movies. Going away to college made me realize I had feelings for him. But I left them alone and we stayed in touch while I was away. Whenever I was home on break we were basically inseparable. Most people thought we were together because we were always together. But we would say, “No, we are just friends.”
In the back of my mind I was secretly hoping that would change one day. After college I moved back home and he was finishing up college. During this time he was head over heels for my good friend and I couldn’t blame her for wanting to date him because I had been lying to her and myself for so long about not having feelings for him that everyone took my word for it.
It was hard to be in love with my best friend and not have the feelings reciprocated. Even though we were just friends sometimes we treated each other like we were more than that. Which made everything I was feeling more confusing. One day he would be taking me out on a date and holding my hand and the next day he would be aloof and distant.
I finally decided I had had enough. So I told him how I felt knowing that he didn’t feel the same way but I had to put it out there. When he confirmed what I already knew, that he didn’t to see me like that I knew I had to move on. In order to do that I had to “breakup” with him. It was the hardest thing I had to do, because yes, I was in love with him. He had been my best friend and a huge part of my life for over 20 years. He was at every birthday, holiday, there were many late night talks about life, drunk nights out dancing, high school dances. It was hard to let go of that.
I am not trying to make this a cautionary tale but I feel like sharing my experience can help some of you who are struggling with telling your best friend how you really feel. All you can really do is be honest with yourself. If you love them, there is no changing that. You can’t help whom you love and don’t love. If your friend tells you they love you and you don’t feel the same way, make sure to give them the space they need to move on. It is hard to move on when you still see the person all the time.
I don’t regret sharing my true feelings with my friend. Yes, I was hurt he didn’t feel the same way but at least I was not left wondering anymore. Him and I may not be best friends anymore but he is still one of my oldest friends. We keep in touch but the dynamic of our relationship and conversations are very different from what they use to be. If am being honest, I to this day still miss my best friend sometimes.
So when you are ready to finally pull the trigger on dating your best friend make sure you are ready to deal with either outcome, the good and the bad. My advice, go for it! I would still not change anything about what happened in my situation. We all have to be willing to lay our hearts on the line for love or else you will always regret it.
About the Author
Lauren graduated from Hofstra University with a bachelor's degree in communications and a minor in psychology. She enjoys spinning, crafting, and Saints football. She is currently getting her teaching credential with hope to inspire future generations.