Not everyone will like you. That’s just a fact of life.
What’s more difficult is accepting that some people will actually hate you.
But being hated is actually an amazing compliment. It doesn’t seem like it, but underneath the layers of hate and darkness is a compliment from a very vulnerable person.
It will not be easy. It’s not fun having rumors circulate about you, and some of your closest friends might even buy into the gossip.
You don’t have to do anything to feed the fire, yet other people can still make it grow until it consumes you. Work environments may no longer be comfortable. Crossing paths with certain family members may be awkward. You will probably lose friends.
It’s not fair that you feel the effects.
But remember, it actually has nothing to do with you.
The Root of Jealously
There’s a quote by an unknown author:
“A person hates you for one of three reasons: 1) They want to be you 2) They hate themselves 3) They see you as a threat.”
People that are genuinely comfortable with themselves don’t desire to be anyone else. They are truly happy with their lives, and that allows them to be genuinely happy for someone else and their successes.
When they’re jealous of you, they feel a need to bring you down, maybe say that you don’t deserve what you have or that you were lucky to achieve what you’ve accomplished.
It is possible to be jealous without hating someone. When someone hates you, their jealousy is exponentially greater, revealing how insecure and unhappy they are with their own lives.
This brings us to the second reason: people that are severely insecure and unhappy with their own lives are inclined to hate you.
It has nothing to do with you. Their perspective is clouded by their own unhappiness, and they feel the need to bring down others.
The last point observes that you will be hated if you are a threat to others.
It’s a lot easier for some people to kill the messenger than to admit that they’re wrong. They see being wrong as a sign of weakness. This is clear in arguments between friends and couples to arguments about more serious topics from politics to religion.
Friends and spouses that can’t admit that they’re wrong attack the other person’s character instead. They may not be hating the other person, but they’re definitely not having a discussion about the issue at hand either.
When serious ideals and values are at hand such as politics and religion, it’s a lot easier to hate the opposing viewpoint than to admit that there may be another perspective. It’s easier to demonize the enemy than to admit that the opponent may be doing something better than you.
Your existence embodies another perspective. Maybe you spoke out against their ideals. Maybe you are right.
When people hate you, it has nothing to do with you.
It’s their insecurities and vulnerability that leads them to try to bring you down so they can feel better about themselves.
When people hate you, it means that you’re a force to be reckoned with. It means that you threaten their ideals and beliefs. It means that there’s a chance you are right and they are wrong.
There’s such a good chance that the other person decides to bring you down, because calling you a terrible person and spreading rumors about you is easier than admitting what they really are. It’s easier than admitting that you are right and they themselves may be terrible people.
They see weakness in admitting that you could be right. They themselves are too weak to change or even consider an alternate perspective. By hating you, they are already showing how insecure and weak they are because they cannot handle an honest conversation with you about the situation at hand or an intellectual discussion about your differing perspective.
Instead of gaining more security and confidence in themselves, they find satisfaction in attacking you and ruining your life.
It’s pathetic and cowardly.
When people hate you, they reveal the kind of person they really are.
The most comfortable and secure people do not have a need to hate other people based on how they look, how they act, or what they believe.
They’re open to differing perspectives and discussions. They are not threatened by an opinion that disagrees with their own beliefs. They’re so so secure in their ideals and values that they can respect another person’s opinions without feeling threats to their own.
It’s not easy when people hate you.
But if someone hates you, let them.
It means you stand for something important. It means you’re making a point. It means you’re embodying something that scares them so much that they will hate you in a pathetic attempt to silence you.
So just keep doing what you’re doing.
If they feel the need to hate you, then you’re being heard.
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About the Author
Lindsey graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign in 2015 with a B.A. in Global Studies and Communications. She studied abroad in Austria (Summer 2013), Switzerland (Spring 2014), and India (Winter 2014). Her previous internships include the World YWCA in Geneva, Switzerland, the Foreign Service Institute at the U.S State Department in Washington, D.C., and CNN International in Atlanta, GA. In her free time, you'll find her reading, writing, making jewelry or friendship bracelets, sewing or refining her photography skills.