pieces of the puzzle

Being a twenty-something I have noticed that many of us are so willing to settle with just mediocre.

In this particular case of settling, I do not mean in life or your career, but rather in love and relationships. I see it time and time again, a guy and a girl start dating and everything is fine but one or both know deep down they are not with the right person. Eventually their relationship progresses, they move in together and then they are stuck. 

I have seen this happen so many times and know people who are going through this right now. In all cases, they love their significant other but are not sure they can see themselves spending the rest of their lives with that person.

I will sit and listen to them talk about their feelings of reservation for progressing the relationship and I hear the same excuses each time:

  • He/she is really great.
  • I really do love them.
  • We have been together so long I feel like owe it to them to try to make it work.

I usually end up saying these things are all true but just because they are nice does not mean you should spend another two years trying to convince yourself you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

Sometimes, the puzzle pieces just do not fit and you can’t force them to.

In the end, they usually make the hard choice to move on from the relationship. I think the hardest part is saying goodbye to someone you genuinely care for and have spent so much time with.

One of my friends who made the hard choice to leave her boyfriend looks back on her situation and cannot believe it took her as long as it did. But she also says she had to come to the decision in her own time. Sometimes she asks me why I never told her that her then boyfriend was not the guy for her sooner. I always tell her, “I knew you weren’t going to listen to what I was really saying until you finally acknowledged your doubts.” Now she is a relationship with a man who makes her light up like I have never seen before. This time around I would never say she is settling because she loves him, faults and all. 

Why is it we feel the need to settle in relationships at our age? I’ve noticed it especially with girls, we see our 30th birthday looming in the future and want to have all those things we thought we should have by now. So we settle because it is the right time, but not necessarily the right person.

I can understand why we sometimes have to settle in other areas of our life, but I do not think we should ever settle when it comes to love and finding a partner you want to share the rest of your life with. 

I know it is hard to come to terms with your true feelings and end a long-term relationship. It will not be easy when it happens. Like anything you will mourn the loss of your relationship, but down the line you will be so much happier for the hard choice you made now when you finally meet your soul mate.

Do not let fear of the unknown keep you from finding the love that will inspire you in life. Think of life as a puzzle and love is just one of those pieces that makes up your life. Stop making the wrong puzzle piece fit into your life because it is there and start looking out for that missing piece that fits.

Have you ever felt like you were settling in a relationship?