In this episode of The GenTwenty Podcast Nicole and Marina discuss manifesting… specifically how if we are not manifesting out success, we’re manifesting our failure.
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Nicole Booz: Welcome back to another episode of The GenTwenty Podcast. I’m Nicole…
Marina Crouse: And I’m Marina! Today, we’re talking about how you are manifesting your own failure. So Nicole and I talk about manifesting a lot. We believe in it. We love it. We joke about it. We don’t talk about it. We even have our own mantra.
Marina Crouse: But one thing we started talking about recently was this idea of okay, well if you can manifest the good things. Do you also manifest bad things.
Nicole Booz: First a word from our sponsors.
Marina Crouse: So if that the case you know can you manifest failure. Do you manifest self-doubt does the word manifest not mean anything because I’ve just said it so many times in the last 3 sentences I think yeah to all.
Of those questions I pose and one thing I’ve been working on a lot lately is my confidence and I realized that I quickly get overwhelmed which makes me doubt myself. But when I think about my skills.
And the experience I have I don’t doubt myself and so I promise this will make sense when I’m working on something and I get overwhelmed I freeze up and I just don’t know what to do and I’m like ah Marina, you never know what to do you always do this this like.
Negative self-talk is just me feeding that beast and believing that I don’t know how to solve a problem and so the next time it comes up I’m quicker to think well I don’t know how to solve this problem. But if I take time to catch that I’m you know. I’m writing an article and I don’t know the angle to write it and I’m catching myself thinking like I don’t really know how to do this if I stop and I take a walk or lay on my floor staring at ceiling listening to Harry Styles or journal for a little bit and really think about what am I worried about. I usually realize oh I just don’t know how to do this but I can figure it out and then I come back with confidence and I’m like ready to go but it’s this idea of feeding feeding the beast right? if I put all this energy into.
These negative thoughts these self-doubt. That’s the that’s the one that holds the energy and power and it will be quote unquote true.
Nicole Booz: Yeah, yeah, yeah I really like the idea of feeding the beast. I feel like I’ve heard it before but I don’t know just re-reading about it recently? I thought was really interesting
Kind of like you were saying how if we’re trying to manifest success and the vision that we see for ourselves on the other side of that coin. It’s like everything that we’re not doing is putting us towards failure right? I’m using this using this term loosely here as to mostly mean like not reaching the goal that you want.
And when I think about it, for with me, with work goals for example, like to me I’m like I don’t know why I’m not able to do X, Y, and Z. But am I even putting myself in a position to be able to achieve that? Am I even thinking that that’s possible for me to achieve? And when you I feel like aren’t putting yourself in the position to even be on the road to success.
It really can be like there’s this whole I guess is a metaphor of like where the plane’s taking off and it’s setting its journey through from la to New York City but like with a few degrees different. It’ll end up in DC and you have to be setting yourself on the path that you want to be on.
Because you’re not even giving yourself the chance to succeed, right.
Marina Crouse: Yeah, that’s like when you learn to drive I Remember my parents always telling me no, don’t look over there look where you want to head because if you’re if you’re driving straight but you look to the right? Your car is going to drift to the right.
Nicole Booz: Yeah, that’s true and I think what we think is what we are and is what we become and when we are working towards certain goals, whatever your goal may be if you are not like if you don’t even first believe that that, it possible for you and something that you can have you’re already setting yourself up for not achieving it.
Marina Crouse: 1000% and it’s it’s ah I’m trying to think of it’s probably another cliche but you are what you eat right? You are what you consume and I think about this a lot for social media.
Every once in a while I’ll do a social media cleanse where I just go and unfollow a bunch of accounts that don’t bring me joy or like education because inevitably I spend a lot of time on social media for downtime fun time and business time and so if I’m constantly consuming. Things that make me feel small or make me doubt myself or doubt my business that I’m literally consuming that and that becomes a belief of mine where I’m subtly comparing myself so it comes back to like the feeding the beast you are what you eat.
Marina Crouse: You are what you consume and if you I don’t know we are just two girls on a podcast right? Like we don’t have we don’t have degrees in manifesting. But if you think about it manifesting is all about where you put your energy and I have a candle burning right now that that we sell on thecapsulecollab.com and that says “manifest that shit” and it’s a good reminder to just think about. Oh yeah, what am I working on what am I believing for myself. What do I think I can achieve and I you have to be honest with yourself.
Okay, thinking I want to build a six figure business great what are the steps you’re taking but also more importantly, do you really believe you can do that? Do you have you set yourself up for success in the network and support system. You’ve compiled. Do you have access to resources and help are you asking for help are you doing everything you can to get there or are you just wishing for it because wishing and manifesting are very different.
Nicole Booz: Yeah, and wishing is not really going to put you in the right place to work towards those goals. For example, so it’s like becomes a self fulfilling prophecy to continue to doubt yourself like if you are planting these seeds of doubt and not just planting them but watering them through your actions. What you say to yourself what you say to other people about yourself. What you believe about yourself all of those things add up to being manifesting failure essentially and I feel like there’s so many people like you were saying who you hear them say like oh I wish this or I wish that and it’s like but do you really do actually want that and if you do what? What are you doing to work towards it like why? What is getting in your own way of like making yourself like not believe in yourself.
Marina Crouse: Yeah, or have you ever just asked yourself like why not have you ever flipped your doubt on its head. So it’s like okay I want to write a novel but I don’t think I ever will. Why not? what’s stopping you. Why can’t you write a novel or like, oh, I I don’t I don’t know if I’m someone to do this. Why not? Why can’t you be?
Nicole Booz: I’m glad you brought it up because that is a practice that I have put. into place this year for myself like every thought that I’ve had about myself, especially when it comes to limiting beliefs I have questioned and I am exceeding all of my goals this year especially in business and it’s just this thing of where I had to get really clear on what I actually wanted to do and a big part of that is getting out of the whole vein of like comparing yourself to others which is very very difficult to do.
I think we’ve done an episode on this exact topic before if not, it’s probably mentioned in every single other episode that we’ve ever done.
Marina Crouse: Yeah, we’ve learned a lot about comparing ourselves in our 20s.
Nicole Booz: Yeah, yeah, and I think that really like gets in the way of what we want to achieve for ourselves and what we even believe that we can do because I think so many of the times that I say it so many of the times we compare what we want for ourselves to what other people have but it’s not even what they have. It’s how we perceive what they have and it’s just I think it’s just really interesting because when you think about your life and your goals and.
Everything you’re working towards you’re either working towards success or you’re working towards failure and when you start at the very beginning you’re either manifesting success or you’re manifesting failure.
Marina Crouse: Damn, it’s true. Yeah, it’s ah it’s a It’s a real punch to the throat when you think about it and and I if you’re in this if you’re listening and you’re thinking. Okay well this resonates but I don’t know what to do next start questioning everything go to or bad if you’re if you’re reaching a goal and you ask yourself? How did I get here? What was what were the steps I took really think about your action and your energy and if you’re not getting where you want to be.
Question it. Why aren’t you why? why? do you think that you don’t deserve this. Why do you think you’re not getting there who do you surround yourself with whose little voices in your head for the longest time I’ve been working on confidence for a long time but before I could pop myself up, I had friends like Nicole saying like you’re doing great. Why would you doubt yourself look at you go look at you for the look at me run for like the littlest things I text Nicole and say I made a sandwich and she be like look at you go look at that sandwich and it’s true I’m a great sandwich maker by the way.
So I was telling Nicole before we started recording. There’s this allegory I believe it’s Native American I don’t remember if it’s Iroquois or Cherokee, I will look it up. But it is this idea of two wolves.
And one wolf represents positive things – happiness, love, excitement – and the other wolf represents negative things – fear, sadness, greed, hatred, anger. We all have both wolves inside us and if you think like okay, well which wolf is going to win which wolf is going to win the battle against the other?
It’s the wolf you feed the wolf you feed gets stronger and can win. So if you’re constantly putting yourself down, self-deprecating, doubting yourself, limiting yourself – that’s going to be your trend. And you if you’re like okay, Marina, but how do I fix that?
Take stock I know I’ve already said this in this episode but take stock. If you’re a 90s kid you grew up with self-deprecating humor and that was like all the trend stop making fun of yourself. Stop putting yourself down stop putting yourself down before you think anyone else can. If you catch yourself saying like, “oh I’m so dumb” even if it’s because you like made something made a silly mistake. Don’t say it.
Don’t do it. Get severe with yourself. You can tell I’ve had 3 cups of coffee – she’s fired up because this stuff matters and we’ve talked so much about this idea of failure how it can be good how it can be bad, but ultimately, you are in charge of your own destiny and your own success and your own path and so while quote unquote failure can be a good learning lesson if you are not. Learning from it if you’re not making changes. You’re just doomed to repeat it. You’re just feeding this negativity loop and so I got to get off my soapbox here help me out here, Nicole.
Nicole Booz: Yeah I think, there’s also like a practical side to this too. So every time you think something positive about yourself, you’re strengthening those neural pathways in your brain and those are getting stronger and stronger. So that’s the wolf that you’re feeding and when you flip things in your head.
It’s like if you’re say “oh I’m so stupid” or “I’m so dumb,” “I’m so forgetful” – like no, you’re not. You forgot something one time. That’s okay, that’s a normal mistake focus on the things that you’re really good at and congratulate yourself for them far more often because when I look at.
If I’m comparing myself to someone else like there are always going to be people who are better than me and they’re always going to be people who are worse than me but I have to focus on my own journey and the things that I’ve achieved and accomplished for myself and think like damn that is actually crazy that you are able to do what you were able to do and accomplish what you’re able to accomplish.
I talked to a woman the other day and she was literally shocked that I had 2 children and managed everything that I did like she just could not believe it and she was like how what is your schedule like what do you do. And I was explaining it and some days I’m like yeah I don’t know how I do it but I’m like I do it because I want to do it and I make it work and I think this year has been really pivotal for me because I have been restructuring one of my businesses which is a it’s kind of a big undertaking and it’s it’s going really well actually, but it’s like something that I didn’t know if it was going to work out but I’m just like this is what I’m doing and it’s going to work out and it’s going to be fine and I just tell myself that constantly because I have to failure is not an option here learning is an option.
And I think just the things you tell yourself repeatedly and if you question your beliefs, especially the bad ones, It will absolutely change your life because you will start positioning yourself towards better things, towards the goals you are trying to achieve and the version of success that you were looking for.
Marina Crouse: Absolutely absolutely and I just wish I had a good thought to share. I did look it up the two wolves story is a Cherokee story and just to fact, check myself.
And yeah, oh this is what I wanted to share Nicole and I have our own mantra for manifesting which I think we used to be a lot more forward with it and we’ve kind of let it fizzle Nicole like I feel like I don’t think about it as much anymore. So I’m bringing it back. But for the longest time, especially the great before the pandemic I don’t know we would just be texting each other everything will work out. Everything’s always working out for us and so much so that we had it put on mugs and anytime we are working on one of our joint businesses together and it gets a little weird.
We’re like it’s okay, everything’s going to work out. Everything’s always working out for us and believing in the good can be so hard, especially after the train wreck of a decade we have entered. But there is good out there and you can believe in it and you can shift. It’s this like positive mindset I know that’s mindset’s a big buzz word but it’s this it all comes back to this like wolf. You feed the beast you feed like the energy you’re following.
Nicole Booz: Yeah, and you can’t always like control everything that’s going on outside the world around you and decisions other people are making but you can control your decisions you can control what you let in you can control what you put out. You can control how you respond to things and I think that a lot more power than people want to give it credit for and I think that if you really put yourself into the position of empowering yourself, feeding your positive wolf, that you will succeed and it’s hard because there are such ups and downs like in life and business and everything and I think that that can be really hard to deal with because we’re not really taught how to deal with those things.
I think one way is to also like write down everything that you feel very successful at. Like once you finish this episode in the next minute or two start writing things down that are like that you feel really good about and that even if you don’t just like facts that are that you’ve achieved things that you’ve done because you’re amazing and you need to tell yourself.
Marina Crouse: Yeah, and if you do and if if you are having trouble do this inventory with a friend because ah we are our own hardest critic our own harshest lens and I was thinking about this. I have a business coach and I met with him a couple weeks ago and I had lost a contract. It wasn’t my fault. It’s the economy people are struggling but I I was saying okay well this contract decided not to renew and it’s a big part of my income.
But I think I can figure it out. I’ve applied to like these things I’ve pitched myself to these things and I kind of trailed off and my business coach was like great I know this is hard but I’m really happy with the actions you’ve taken and the progress you’re making and I was like what because in my mind all I could think about was how I lost this contract which through no fault of my own the company that I was working with was doing layoffs if not my fault but in realizing when my business coach was like I’m happy with the progress you’re making I’ve realized I always think about the end game and I don’t think about the actions that are getting me there and if I look at it.
Yeah I am making I am taking proactive steps I’m making positive choices I’m getting there and so without his that little nudge I would have probably just kept thinking Oh my gosh like how am I going to replace this income I have to work harder I need to keep pitching myself, but it’s like I don’t have to work harder I have to just continue working. So.
Nicole Booz: Yes. Yeah, yeah, and then in the direction that is going to lead you to success. You know you have to like give your like applying I’m just using this as an example, but if you’re applying to all these jobs and you haven’t heard back. Don’t keep waiting for them. To respond to you either reach out to them apply to other jobs try to get jobs through other channels like don’t just throwing a stick at the same rock and expecting it to go in like and anyone say that not.
Marina Crouse: We do now don’t keep throwing a stick at the same rock expecting it to go in people.
Nicole Booz: Look at the same like don’t just keep doing the same method over and over again and expect different results. Do something different question yourself try to it’ll be fine.
Marina Crouse: Yeah, and if you’re listening and you’re thinking I wish I had someone to hype me up call us. We’re the biggest hype people send us an email DMs are open.
Marina Crouse: We’re almost always on Instagram so just like send us a quick message. We would really love it. No one ever messages us. It’s just me and Nicole messaging each other. , yeah, so are you maninfesting your own failure probably but it’s not your fault I blame the society and a little bit the patriarchy. Patriarchy I blame a little bit the patriarchy a lot of it. But the good news is that if you are manifesting your failure. You can flip the switch and manifest your success. So that’s what we’re going to leave you with today and before we say our goodbyes.
Marina Crouse: A quick message from our sponsor.
Nicole Booz: This has been another episode of The GenTwenty Podcast. We’d love if you leave a rating and review and we will talk to you again soon? Bye.
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