When I started college, I thought I had a pretty good idea of how friendships would work. I assumed I’d meet my new best friends during Welcome Week, we’d hang out every day, and we’d instantly form that iconic, inseparable college crew you see in movies. I thought friendships would just happen—like they did in high school.
Spoiler alert: they didn’t. At least, not in the way I expected.
The truth is, college friendships are different. They take more time, effort, and intentionality than the friendships I was used to in high school. And for a while, I felt like I was doing something wrong—like everyone else had magically found their people while I was struggling to find someone to sit with in the dining hall.
If you’re in that in-between space right now—adjusting to a new environment, missing your old friends, and wondering if this is just part of growing up—I want you to know: it is. You’re not alone. And it gets better.
The Reality of College Friendships
Here’s what I’ve learned about navigating friendship in college—and why it’s okay (and even beautiful) that it’s different from what you had before.
1. High School Friendships Were Built on Proximity
Think about your high school best friends. You probably saw them every single day, had lunch together at the same time, walked the same halls, maybe even grew up in the same town. You didn’t have to plan to hang out—they were just there, all the time.
College is different. Everyone’s schedule is all over the place. You might live across campus from someone you want to get to know better. Some people go home on weekends, some are working part-time, some are morning people while others are wide awake at 2AM.
Friendship isn’t automatic anymore. You actually have to reach out, make plans, and be intentional.
And that’s not a bad thing—it just means your relationships are going to be built on more than just convenience. You get to choose your people now, not just share space with them.
2. It’s Okay If You Don’t Find “Your People” Right Away
One of the biggest myths I believed going into college was that everyone else had it figured out already. That by the second week of school, most people had locked in their friend groups, joined all the same clubs, and were going out together every weekend.
The reality? Everyone is figuring it out behind the scenes.
Some friendships you form during orientation or in your freshman dorm will last forever. Others might fizzle out after a semester. And that’s okay. College friendships can be seasonal—and still meaningful.
Give yourself grace if things don’t click right away. Keep putting yourself out there. Try new things. Say yes to invitations, even if they’re out of your comfort zone. Some of the best friendships grow slowly and unexpectedly.
3. Shared Values Matter More Than Shared Schedules
In high school, I had friends because we were in the same classes, same sports teams, same extracurriculars. In college, I realized that wasn’t always enough to sustain a meaningful connection.
Some of the people I spent the most time with during freshman year weren’t actually aligned with me in terms of how I wanted to spend my time, what I valued, or what kind of energy I needed from a friendship.
Now I know: it’s better to have one or two close friends who really “get” you than a dozen surface-level acquaintances.
Look for the people who make you feel safe, inspired, and supported. The ones who cheer you on, let you vent, or just sit in silence with you during a study break. Those are the ones worth investing in.
4. You Have to Make the First Move (Even When It’s Awkward)
This was the hardest part for me, as someone who’s a little introverted: you have to put yourself out there.
Yes, it’s awkward. Yes, it feels weird to ask someone to get coffee or study together when you barely know them. But honestly? Everyone’s craving connection. Most people are relieved when someone else breaks the ice.
If you feel a vibe with someone in class, at the gym, or in your residence hall—say hi. Compliment their tote bag. Ask if they’ve been to the campus coffee shop yet. These small interactions do add up.
Friendship in college starts with being open and brave—just enough to let someone in.
5. Not All College Friendships Will Last—and That’s Not a Failure
One of the most bittersweet parts of college life is that some people will walk with you for a while, and then your paths will naturally diverge.
Maybe you bond with someone in your major freshman year, but sophomore year you both change your focus. Maybe you lived in the same building but now live off-campus. Or, maybe someone you thought you were close with starts showing you their true colors—and they’re not what you expected.
Letting go of friendships, or watching them fade, can hurt. But it’s not a reflection on your worth or your ability to be a good friend.
Friendships don’t have to last forever to be real, valuable, or meaningful. Sometimes they’re exactly what you needed for that chapter of your life.
6. Long-Distance Friendships Can Still Thrive
Leaving your high school friends doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind. Some of my closest friendships from high school survived college—not because we talked every day, but because we chose to keep showing up for each other in new ways.
Whether it’s a weekly FaceTime call, sending each other memes, or planning visits during breaks—it’s possible to stay close even when life takes you in different directions.
Just remember: you don’t have to talk constantly to still love each other deeply.
7. It’s Okay to Feel Lonely Sometimes
This one is important: loneliness is normal in college. Especially during your first year, or in periods of transition.
I used to feel ashamed when I didn’t have plans on a Friday night, or when I saw people on Instagram out with big groups. I thought it meant I was doing something wrong. But it didn’t.
College is full of highs and lows, and everyone experiences loneliness at some point. Instead of numbing it with distractions, use that time to get to know yourself. Take yourself on solo dates. Journal. Join new spaces that align with your interests.
Being alone doesn’t mean you’re unlovable—it just means you’re in a period of growth. And honestly? Some of the strongest friendships are born right after you think you’re all alone.
8. Real College Friendships Are Built on Depth, Not Just Party Pics
It’s easy to assume the people who post the most group selfies or go to every party are the ones with the best social lives. But here’s the truth I wish I knew earlier:
The strongest friendships in college are often the ones you don’t see online.
They’re the people who show up for you when you’re having a breakdown in the library bathroom. The ones who drop off soup when you’re sick. The ones who celebrate your wins and never make you feel small.
You don’t need to be in a friend “group” to feel loved. You just need one or two people who are really in your corner.
9. You’ll Grow, and So Will Your College Friendships
You’re going to change a lot in college—and so will the people around you. That’s a good thing.
Some friendships will grow with you, adapting as you shift majors, beliefs, goals, and passions. Others may grow apart. And both are normal.
Give your friendships room to evolve. Allow people (including yourself) to change. The best college friendships are rooted in mutual respect and the freedom to grow.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not Behind
If you haven’t found your people yet, if your group chat is silent, or if you’re wondering why friendship feels so different now—you’re not behind.
College is a huge transition, and forming real connections takes time. It’s not about quantity—it’s about quality. And it’s okay if that looks different from what you expected.
You’re learning how to build friendships as an adult. You’re figuring out who you are and what kind of people bring out the best in you. That’s not failure—that’s growth.
So breathe. Keep showing up. Be kind to yourself. Your people will come—and when they do, it’ll be worth every awkward “hey, do you want to grab coffee?” that came before.
About the Author
Anna is a twenty-something living in the south. She's passionate about family, crafting, and continuing her education beyond her college degree.