Going back to work after maternity leave is hard. I knew it was going to be hard… and it was approximately 10x harder than I thought it would be. I was not prepared, and I don’t mind I was not prepared for going back to work – I was not prepared for the extent of the emotion to hit me.
If you’re about to return to work I hope these insights will give you some sympathy. I also hope they will help you start to wrap your head around what you might want to brace to manage when your time comes. For anyone else currently going through the new trenches of being back at the job, keep at it, you’ve got this!
Back To Work After Maternity Leave Was Brutal
Let me preface this by saying that I am almost fully remote and my child would not be in daycare as we have family helping out. If I had to be in office every day, or the majority of the week, I am not sure I would have returned to work. I am not saying this in judgement of anyone, but just to give you backstory of my mindset returning to work from maternity leave.
Yes, I had family to help with my baby. Yes, I was predominately working from home where I could technically see my baby during the day. And yes, it was – and still is – really, really hard.
I Cried Every Day The Month My Maternity Leave Was Set To End
I was set to return to work at the end of the month. The day that month started, I literally cried every day. I’m not just talking a little tears. I am talking full blown crying session.
I was so heartbroken that my maternity leave was over. And, I was gutted that I wouldn’t get to spend every second with my child. My baby and I were together since he was born, and that now was getting flipped upside down.
Let’s not forget that even though my postpartum hormones weren’t as strong as they were immediately after having my baby, they were still there, which just escalated the emotions, too.
Four Months Just Isn’t Enough Back To Work After Maternity Leave
Maternity and paternity leave in the United States is a hot topic of conversation. As someone who recently went through it, I am here to say that that four months I was “lucky” to have just wasn’t enough.
I still wasn’t physically 100% healed. I still wasn’t mentally 100% there (but honestly, will I ever be again, really?). My baby was just starting to get more fun – he didn’t just lay around sleeping all day anymore, he was turning into a boy with a real personality, recognizing all of us.
Additionally, I hadn’t introduce formula yet and didn’t want to (again – personal preference! fed is best!!!). Returning to work made feeding on demand – or pumping the set hours I had to pump – more difficult.
I Didn’t Want To Bring Work Stress Home With Me
Work is stressful. And catching up when you go back to work after maternity leave is stressful. People are stressful. We all know this, and we are all guilty of bringing that work stress home with us.
The last thing I want to do with the (minimal) time I have with my baby is be drowning in stress! I want to enjoy him, unconditionally, without thinking or worrying about anything else. Anyone who has had work stress knows that’s a lot easier said than done.
Our Routine Was Gone
I had four glorious months of being in the baby bubble. We had a routine. He was my only focus (okay, some house stuff too, but honestly – baby boy was my sole focus). Now we were going to have to find a new routine. I was going to have to share my focus.
Yeah, you can do both of those things, but I really didn’t want to. I wanted my sole focus to be my baby boy, and I wanted my routine centered around him.
I’m Not A “I need work for my own identity” Mom
I had quite a few mom friends tell me that once you go back to work it’s not as hard as you thought it would be. They told me that it’s good to get a break and have their own identity. Well, I’ve now been back to work for months and I have learned that I am not that kind of my mom.
Kudos to you if you are – honestly, I’m kind of jealous. But I want my identity to be a mom, I don’t need anything else. I found that going back to work after maternity leave isn’t a break from my kid. A break from my kid is a nice long bath/shower or a childless shopping trip.
It’s Impossible To Do It All
I am the type of person who makes a to-do list and completes it, otherwise, I am frazzled. I learned quickly upon returning to work that that’s now become basically impossible to do juggling work and motherhood.
You still have all your mom tasks – feeding the baby, laundry, doctor’s appointments, etc. – but now you have to find the time to do that while also working 8 hours a day. On the flip side, during the 8 hours of work, as a breastfeeding mom, I had to find time to step away and feed my child or pump, on top of making sure that all other household items for him got done.
I won’t even get into all the things that I needed to do for myself, like cooking dinner or my own laundry! Thankfully, I do have a husband who helps, but it’s still a lot.
I Don’t Want To Miss Any Milestones While Back To Work After Maternity Leave
Do I even have to elaborate on this one? I want to be there for his first crawl, his first steps, his first words. I am grateful I am predominantly work from home so I am at least in the same space as him, but if he has any of these milestones while I’m working, I won’t be the first person to see it, and that breaks my heart.
By The Time Work Is Done, It’s Almost Bedtime
I work a structured 9-5 PM. Even when I do sign off at 5 PM, I get just a couple of hours with my baby boy. He goes to bed at 7!
This means our bedtime routine typically starts at 6:30, just an hour and a half after I sign off for the day – assuming I sign off in time. That’s not nearly enough time to get to be with my son, at least not for me.
Final Thoughts On The Postpartum Return To The Job
Having to face going back to work after maternity leave has truly opened my eyes to the struggles working parents have to manage. Being a parent doesn’t just click off when you head off to work. And, unfortunately sometimes the stress of work can seep into the home.
I hope for anyone who has gone through or is about to go through this experience that you keep persevering. The struggle is ridiculously real I wish the best to anyone who will soon be going through a similar return to work after having a baby.