Monogamy is a practice many people are hesitant to believe in, especially in our modern framework of society that no longer sets marriage as an expectation. Today men and women have more freedom when it comes to relationships than ever before. Sexual orientation is becoming more and more socially accepted.
Women are statistically delaying marriage as a means to establish and pioneer their careers. Children are conceived later in life because our average life expectancy has increased and the press to start a family is less urgent than it once was. Relationships have evolved overtime, but what seems to have remained stagnant is our cultural stance on monogamy.
The practice of monogamy is constantly questioned. With the divorce rate in the United States still hovering somewhere around 50 percent, many Americans are reluctant to take the marital plunge and believe it will last. Statistically, half of married couples are projected to separate at some point during their union. There’s no singular cause for this expected estrangement, but for some infidelity and/or the idea of polygamy come into question.
Human beings are naturally creatures of habit, yet we often welcome change. Relationships can become stagnant overtime, and one partner or the other may desire someone new in their life. This desire can turn into an act of cheating, or for some only the tantalizing illusion of, but in any sense there becomes a disconnect in what was once a monogamous relationship.
What is it about being with someone other than your partner that seems so enticing? Is it lack of sexual attraction for your husband or wife? A sexual fantasy that you’ve had for quite some time that you would like to become reality? A loss of connection on an emotional level that makes you feel like the relationship is over? Have the introduction of children, jobs, or moves to new geographical locations changed the plane of your once committed heart? Or is the hook-up culture our media outlets project changing your perspective of love, lust, and reality? Perhaps it’s a combination of reasons only you can understand.
Monogamy isn’t dead. Although the compelling factors point to a well-received and advertised hook-up culture there are some of us who still value committed relationships and the tradition of having one partner. Some adults value marriage and the bond this union creates that is unlike any other. Although twenty-somethings should not rush into marriage blindly, it is encouraged that they consider the ramifications of freely hooking-up. There are plentiful reasons why holding onto monogamy in today’s rampant hook-up culture is as beautiful as ever.
Here are five practical reasons to believe in monogamy:
1. You have a partner who shares the same values as you.
Chances are, if you’re in a committed relationship and value monogamy, your partner does too. For the most part, people who want to date around and enjoy their freedom won’t talk about defining the relationship or dating exclusively. These are people who avoid labels and go with the flow.
If you and your beau have set boundaries and are both in favor of going steady, you’re with someone who shares your values. You both understand that cheating is off the table. You value being the one person in their life who is their friend, lover, mentor, partner, and overall “person”. You are the whole package for them as they are to you.
Equally valuing monogamy is a higher level of affection than one-night stands or flings can offer. It reminds you that you are important and loved.
2. Trust, honesty, and commitment become effortless.
When it comes to monogamy, concern about trust and lingering insecurities fades away into the background. If you and your partner agree to be in a committed relationship the games are over. There’s no insecurity about him having girlfriends; they are friends that are girls. End of story. You trust your guy to talk to other women without constantly worrying he might slip up.
Likewise, your partner trusts you in your commitment to the relationship you have created together, therefore everything you say is received as completely honest and sincere. This doesn’t mean you’ll never argue or find yourself challenging each other. What it means is trust and honesty make the foundation of your relationship, which is something that is entirely skipped in hook-ups.
3. Your marriage or partnership gives more than it takes.
Whether you and your beau decide to get married and have the legal union or prefer to create your own partnership that is just as committed in every possible way, you give more to each other than you take.
In a monogamous relationship you are your partner’s cheerleader. You are invested in their success, whether it be career endeavors, raising children, and/or pursuing their life passions. Flings don’t often encourage you to be successful, as they are not often that personal or involved in your life. Monogamy gives you space to grow and understands you each need to flourish together and apart.
4. You and your partner are working toward a common goal.
It goes without saying that committed relationships are work. Even on the happiest of days it’s a constant struggle to make two separate lives come together as one. You may have a few interests in common, but countless apart. You might have different routines, ways of doing things, and personality types. Yet, what you both have in common is your relationship goals.
You chose each other on your own free will. You are in this relationship, in all of its ups and downs, because you want to be. Even at the lowest lows you work together in a cohesive manner because you both want to come out strong on top. There’s no deviation from your common relationship goals. It’s a beautiful partnership.
5. You couldn’t imagine your life any other way.
Even when your girlfriend’s hair is traveling in a million different directions when she wakes up in the morning, or she gains a few pounds, or your boyfriend has zero sense of style and refuses to change out of his superhero t-shirt when you go out for dinner, you honestly couldn’t imagine your life any other way.
The hook-ups may have been tempting at one point, but you see the real gift in life is being with the person who fits you best. When you value monogamy, you’d trade in all the flings in the world in exchange for truly romantic happiness.
Monogamy doesn’t have to be the great casualty of beauty. There are always going to be gorgeous men and women in the media, at work, or walking down the street that possess some physicality your partner lacks. Does it mean you impulsively cheat? Does beauty trump commitment?
Monogamy is rewarding. It’s not for the faint of heart, but it shows you that flings leave you feeling unfulfilled, and there’s something greater than instant gratification. Choosing one person in the world with well over seven billion inhabitants can seem daunting. Yet, there’s no rush. If monogamy is for you, allow it to happen organically. If monogamy is for you, choose it because that one person could become your everything.
About the Author
Rachael is a University of Southern Maine graduate with a Bachelor of Arts in Communication and a minor in Sociology. She remotely works full-time as a Senior Content Marketing Specialist for Champlain College in Burlington, Vermont. In her leisure time, Rachael enjoys traveling with her husband, finding the next Netflix series to binge, and taking too many photos of her dogs Jax and Kai. Rachael is obsessed with chapstick, favors the Oxford comma, and is a proud Mainer. You'll likely find her exploring New England + beyond.