Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
Increased awareness and acknowledgment of mental health and mental health illnesses throughout society is, on the whole, a positive step forward to addressing mental health concerns. With a better understanding, and even a World Mental Health Day where the overall objective is to raise awareness of mental health issues around the world, individuals are better equipped and more accepting than ever of the impact of mental health issues.
As mental health awareness becomes more normalized, however, ‘therapy speak’ has begun to creep into our daily colloquial language. While cognitive awareness of mental health is good, therapy speak itself comes with its own dangers.
What is therapy speak and why is it popular?
Therapy speak is the utilization of psychological, therapeutic, or mental health languages in everyday conversation. This kind of language has permeated our lives for a very long time – ‘repression’, ‘denial’, ‘slip of the tongue’, ‘inner-child’, and ‘hysteria’ are all linked to Freudian concepts and have been used for many years, while concepts like ‘boundaries’, ‘abuse’, ‘psychopath’, and ‘trauma’ are in higher circulation today.
This new, seemingly sophisticated language has become far more prevalent over the past few decades. We talk more than ever about coping mechanisms and how we are triggered. Our relationships can become codependent and our partners can exhibit an avoident attachment style or can be toxic. We can become detached, heard but not listened to, depressed, or suffer from anxiety and trauma. Suddenly, it seems as though everyone is an expert in mental health.
The rise in therapy speak can be attributed to growing mental health awareness, with more people openly discussing their emotional well-being than ever before. This trend has been fueled in part by social media and increased access to mental health resources, including educational pathways like online PMHNP certificate programs (Psychiatric-Mental Health Nurse Practitioner), which help professionals and individuals better understand mental health terminology.
Greater access to information and the world of social media has contributed to the increase in use of therapy speak. Photo by Firmbee.com on Unsplash.
Healthy therapy speak
Therapy speak can be used in both healthy and unhealthy ways. When therapy speak is used correctly, it is thoughtful, open to reflection and review, and there is a mutual understanding between the two or more individuals conversing that they understand the concept being discussed. Some examples of healthy therapy speak may include;
- Asking “How would you like me to be there for you?” instead of rocking up unannounced, insisting you can help in some way “for their own good”.
- Giving options like “Do you need help to solve this, or would you like me to listen?” rather than immediately providing unsolicited opinions that begin with “You should”.
- Saying “Based on what you’ve been telling me, this person seems to be doing something bad” rather than immediately labeling the person a narcissist or abuser.
- Stating “As an introvert, it is perhaps more difficult for you to do this” rather than expressing a broad, stereotyping statement like “All introverts do this”.
- Asking “Would you like to talk about this more and I may be able to help” rather than forcing someone to tell you.
Unhealthy or weaponized therapy speak – the dangers of its misuse
Despite the benefits healthy therapy speak can foster, unhealthy therapy speak is divisive and tends to creep into relationship dynamics. When this happens, it can be used to bolster your own stance in this current era, be used as a tool to manipulate someone, or be expressed carelessly or excitedly without a depth of understanding.
In these types of instances, unhealthy therapy speak can be unintentional, but it can also be weaponized. If unintentional, it diminishes the impact and experiences of those who are genuinely managing relationships with toxic or abusive behavior. If weaponized, this can severely impact the relationship between two individuals causing hurt, pain, and mental health problems. Examples of weaponized therapy speak can be;
Misusing the concept of ‘boundaries’
Personal boundaries are the lines we draw for ourselves about things we are unwilling to accept about how other people treat us. It is extremely important to set your own healthy boundaries because while we don’t want to hurt or offend others, if we don’t have boundaries we often end up hurting ourselves.
Unfortunately, the concept of boundaries is often framed in a different way when being weaponized. Oftentimes, it is used by someone as a way to package up their dislikes and disapproval over someone else’s actions or thoughts, in an attempt to control their life.
Labeling everyone an ‘abuser’ or ‘toxic’, or everything ‘gaslighting’
You should never have to ask someone to prove they have been abused or hurt, however, we similarly cannot rush in and brand everything as abusive or toxic, or all conversations as gaslighting.
When someone is abusive or toxic, it means they are consistently acting in ways that hurt you mentally, physically, sexually, financially, or emotionally. There is also little to no attempt to repair the hurt. Everyone has toxic behaviors, however, and even the best of us can do hurtful things to someone else. The key difference here is someone who is not toxic or abusive will work to repair the damage, and will not do it on a regular, consistent basis.
Gaslighting is the same – when someone is intentionally warping reality to frame them as morally superior it is considered gaslighting, but one-off lies or passing on the wrong information cannot be labeled in the same manner.
Saying “We are all a little ADHD or narcissistic”
You are either neurodiverse or not, there is no “a little bit”. By implying everyone experiences these conditions it dismisses and undermines the experience of those who truly struggle with them every single day.
And struggle they do – their wiring makes it significantly more difficult for them to function in the ways neurotypical people take for granted. While we can all have some narcissistic or psychopathic traits, it does not necessarily qualify us for a personality disorder, which generally infiltrates every aspect of your functioning life.