What I Wish I Knew About Making Friends After College

I’ll be honest: no one warned me how weirdly hard it would be to make friends in my twenties. And then, on a whole other level, making friends after college can be a big challenge.

After college, I assumed I’d naturally fall into a group of new besties through work, hobbies, or just by being an adult out in the world. I mean, how different could it be from making friends in school or college dorms, right? (Spoiler: it’s wildly different.)

Ways That Making Friends After College Looks Different

Now, a few years out, I can say this: making friends in your twenties is not impossible, but it is intentional. And if you’re in this weird limbo space between feeling lonely and also wanting more connection, you’re not the only one.

Here’s what I wish someone had told me.

1. You Have to Actually Try

Friendships don’t “just happen” anymore. Gone are the days where proximity as well as shared class schedules did all the work. After college, you have to be the one to reach out, follow up, and sometimes (often) plan things first.

In the beginning, I didn’t realize how much effort it takes to maintain momentum with someone new. I’d meet someone cool at a workout class or through a mutual friend and think, Wow, we totally vibed. Maybe we’ll hang out again! And then… nothing.

Eventually, I started treating potential friendships like dating. If I met someone I liked, I’d text them the next day to say I had a good time. I’d suggest getting coffee or going to an event we both mentioned. The truth? You have to pursue friendships, not just expect them to stick.

2. Your Existing Friendships Will Shift (And That’s Okay)

Another thing I didn’t expect: how different things would feel with my college or high school friends once real life started happening.

Everyone gets busy. People move. Priorities shift. Some friendships fade without drama, just distance and time.

At first, this freaked me out. I felt like I was losing people who once felt like family. But I’ve learned that friendships don’t always have to stay the same to still be meaningful. Some become long-distance check-ins. Some take breaks and return. Some gently close their chapter in your life, and that’s not failure. That’s growth.

Letting go of what was makes room for what’s next.

3. You’re Allowed to “Date Around” When Making Friends After College

I used to think that once I made one or two new adult friends, I’d be set. But the truth is, one friend can’t meet all your needs. And not every friendship will click the same way.

I’ve had to learn how to diversify my friendships. I have a friend I call when I want to deep dive into career rants. Then I have another who’s my go-to when I want to go on spontaneous road trips. I have my cozy introvert pals and my extroverted chaos crew. All of them bring something different to my life.

Don’t feel bad if you outgrow some connections or realize you’re looking for deeper or more aligned friendships. You’re allowed to “try out” different social situations until you find your people.

4. You Might Have to Be the Initiator (Like, a Lot)

I used to feel super self-conscious about always being the one to text first. I worried that if I stopped putting in effort, the friendship would fade, which, yeah, sometimes it did.

But here’s what I learned: some people just aren’t initiators. And that doesn’t mean they don’t care.

I have a friend who never texts first, but she’s always excited when I reach out. She shows up when I ask her to hang out. She’s present and kind and hilarious. I stopped taking the “no texts” personally, and I’m glad I did.

So if you feel like you’re always planning or reaching out, check in with yourself. Are you okay with that dynamic? Does the friendship feel mutual when you’re together? If yes, it might be worth the energy. If not, you don’t owe anyone your effort.

5. The Apps Aren’t Just for Dating

Real talk: I met one of my closest friends on Bumble BFF.

Yes, we swiped on each other. Yes, it felt a little awkward at first. But honestly? It worked.

There’s nothing wrong with using apps while making friends after college. Bumble BFF, Geneva, Hey! VINA, even local Facebook groups or Meetup.com, they’re all tools to help you connect. The awkwardness fades fast when you realize how many other people are craving connection too.

Pro tip: When you match with someone you vibe with, don’t wait forever to meet up. Suggest something low-pressure like grabbing coffee or walking through a farmer’s market. The longer you wait to send a text, the easier it is for things to fizzle.

6. Shared Activities = Instant Bonding

Some of the best friendships I’ve made in my twenties started through doing something, not just small talk.

Join a rec sports league, take a pottery class, go to a book club or a running group. When you consistently show up somewhere with the same people, you naturally build connection.

One fall, I joined a local hiking group. I was nervous at first, I didn’t know anyone. But after a few weeks, I had a whole crew of people I could call for weekend plans. Doing something together gave us a reason to keep showing up and talking.

If you’re nervous to go alone, that’s okay. So was I. But showing up anyway? That’s where the magic starts.

7. Vulnerability Fast-Tracks Connection While Making Friends After College

I spent a lot of time in surface-level conversations when I first started trying to make friends post-college. I didn’t want to seem “too much” or too intense.

But the more I opened up, the more I connected with people on a real level.

You don’t have to trauma-dump or overshare. But being real about what you’re struggling with or what you’re excited about goes a long way. I’ve made genuine friends by saying things like:

• “I’ve been feeling kinda lonely lately, want to grab a drink and catch up?”
• “I’m trying to put myself out there more, thanks for inviting me!”
• “I had such a weird week, and I’m glad we’re hanging out.”

Realness attracts realness. Don’t be afraid to show up as yourself.

8. Not Every Friendship Will Last… And That’s Normal

Some friendships are seasonal. Some are situational. Some fade, and some fall apart. And that can hurt, but it’s also part of growing up.

I’ve had friendships end that felt like breakups. I’ve had people ghost me or slowly back away. At first, I thought I must have done something wrong.

But the truth is, not everyone is meant to stay forever. Sometimes people are in your life to teach you something or walk alongside you for a while, and that’s still valuable.

Friendship loss is real grief, but it also makes space for new beginnings.

9. You Don’t Need a Giant Circle, Just a Solid One

Social media makes it look like everyone has a massive group chat and weekend plans every night. But most people? They’re lucky to have one or two people they really trust.

There’s no magic number of friends you “should” have by a certain age. Especially when making friends after college, it’s about quality, not quantity.

If you have even one person you can be your full, unfiltered self with, you’re doing great.

10. Keep Showing Up

If you’re in the messy middle of trying to make new friends in your twenties, please know you’re not alone. It’s awkward. It’s discouraging sometimes. But it’s also worth it.

The more I showed up—at events, in texts, for myself—the more doors opened. It didn’t happen overnight. But now, I have people in my life who feel like home. And I found them after college.

So take the chance. Send the text. Join the group. Be brave enough to be the one who goes first.

You deserve connection. It’s out there. Keep showing up.

Final Thoughts On How To Make Friends After College

It feels weird to say that making friends can be hard but the unexpected challenges when trying to do this after college are too real. Hopefully breaking it down like this gave you a helpful perspective on why friendship can look so different.

Sometimes having a new perspective and understanding the situation better means you’re more capable of making meaningful changes. So, try out some of these ideas and let us know what’s worked best for you.

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