How to Measure Success Without Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else

We love social media… but we hate it, too. We’ve all been there, scrolling LinkedIn and seeing someone we graduated college with is already getting that big promotion. So, how could it be possible to measure success without comparing ourselves to someone we view as successful?

Maybe we’re scrolling through Instagram and we see that guy we graduated high school with buying a house. Or we’re on TikTok and see our childhood friend we haven’t spoken to since elementary school traveling the world without a care in the world. It makes you stop and think – why isn’t that me? Why am I so far behind?

Let us stress this – and we’re going to continue to stress it – you are not behind.

You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet. Social media creates a constant highlight reel of the good in other people’s lives. You’re not seeing the real story.

Measuring Success

In your 20s, everything feels like it’s supposed to happen right away. But that’s not how life works. And that’s something you learn as you go through your 20s. Comparison will always make you feel like you’re losing. You have to measure out success in your own terms and stop comparing yourself to everyone else; here’s how to do just that.

1. Recognize the Triggers that Start a Comparison of Success

One of the first steps you can take is recognizing what’s triggering you, and also knowing that there are some common triggers for 20-somethings. There’s three main buckets – career triggers, lifestyle triggers, and life milestone triggers.

Career triggers include LinkedIn promotions, startup announcements and salary conversations. Lifestyle triggers include travel posts, apartment/home purchases and fitness transformations. Life milestone triggers include engagements, weddings and “oh they have life figured out” posts.

2. Reduce the Triggers that Fuel the Comparisons

Now that you know what these triggers are, you can take action to stop them. Comparison isn’t just an internal thing, it’s an environmental thing, and that’s something you have more control of than you may realize.

If you’re constantly exposed to other people’s highlight reels and that’s making you feel down, it’s time to curate your social media. Unfollow the accounts that make you feel inadequate, give you status anxiety or ones that show unrealistic lifestyles. Instead follow people who teach, educate, do good and/or inspire growth.

Another thing you should do is limite passive scrolling and increase your real life conversations. Some ways to do this are to remove certain apps from your home screen and set screen limits.

3. Stop Treating Life Like a Scoreboard to Measure Success Without Comparing

This one is so much easier said than done, but once you actually stop treating life like a scoreboard, you’ll notice a big difference. Some common mental scoreboards in your 20s include salary, job titles, followers, relationship status and possessions.

But the problem with the scoreboards is that it assumes everyone is playing the same game… which isn’t the case. Everyone has different morals, values, wants, needs and priorities. This is what makes measuring success without comparing so very important.

Some people want stability, whereas others want adventure. Some people want to be solo whereas others want a family life. Everyone’s different, which is why it’s so important to remember that not everyone’s playing the same game.

4. Reframe Your Mindset

Yes, you really can switch your perspective. When you see someone else achieving something, your gut reaction is probably to ask yourself “Am I behind?” Instead of phrasing it like that, ask yourself if you’re building the kind of life you actually want. This takes your measuring of success from comparing to reflecting.

This will reframe your definition of success from one of status to alignment with your goals. Another thing you can do is redirect your focus. Ask yourself “What’s one thing I’m doing right now that moves my life forward?” This will remind you that you are on your own path, and even though that path may look different from others’, it’s the right path for you.

5. Track Your Own Progress

Truly the best way to remind yourself that you’re not behind is by seeing your progress. If you’re not already tracking yourself, now’s a great time to take a few minutes and do an internal audit. Ask yourself the following questions.

• “What am I better at this year?” This will show your skill growth.
• “What new things have I tried?” This will show you all the new experiences you’ve had.
• “What problems have I learned to solve?” This will show you how you’ve handled problems.
• “Am I more comfortable than I was before?” This will show you confidence.

How can you put this into action? Let’s say your friend just became a manager and you’re feeling behind because you’re not one.

Instead of sulking in that, track the new skills you’ve learned, the projects you’ve completed and the networking relationships you’ve built. When you can measure success like this without comparing, you’ll see that you’re much further along that you probably realize.

6. Extend Your Timeline For Success

You may think that you need to have everything all figured out in your 20s, but that’s a false narrative. Many people don’t find their career direction until their 30s.

Many successful founders started companies later in life, like Vera Wang, who didn’t enter fashion design until the age of 40. Or Colonel Harland Sanders, who started franchising KFC at the age of 62 years old. You have plenty of time!

Remember that your 20s should be less about arriving somewhere. Instead, the focus should be about learning about yourself. You should be learning what energizes you, which environments suit you and what goals actually matter to you.

Final Thoughts on How to Measure Success Without Comparing

When it comes down to it, you should be building a life that feels good to you internally. Doing that has nothing to do with what anyone else is doing. Sure, external success is visible, but internal success is what will really fulfill you. Enjoying your daily work, having meaningful and supportive relationships, feeling mentally healthy and having time for things that interest you are all great examples of internal success.

If this sounds like you, you’re much farther along on your journey than you think you are, so stop comparing yourself to others and enjoy your own ride! You’re building a life that feels good to you, and that’s one of the most important things you can do.

About the Author

---