Life is a wild thing and there are times we can feel it is just too much. Although it’s easier for some, the ability to recognize denial and accept reality can be a huge challenge.
Sometimes denial will creep up on us as we try to avoid the uncomfortable situations that find us. Other times, it seems living in a delusion is the only way to survive.
If survival feels hard or you are struggling with addiction, self-harm, or abuse, please seek qualified professional help. You are worthy of thriving and at the very least worthy of surviving to live a better life.
Why Does Denial Happen?
Our minds resort to denial when it wants to protect us from a stressful or painful reality. It seems backwards but denial is a way to shield ourselves so we can continue moving forward.
This can be helpful in situations where we need to focus on more pressing matters. Or, perhaps we are not in the best place to address an issue and so we basically disregard the stressor until a better time.
There are also crucial moments people experience, for example abuse, where denial is an only means of escape. This survival mechanism kicks in and allows us to endure more than is reasonable to expect.
Denial also happens when people want to safeguard their image. We might find ourselves disbelieving a friend or family member when they confront us with something we did because it doesn’t line up with our perception of ourselves.
Times When Denial Becomes A Problem
Unfortunately, denial can move out of the subconscious into a choice to ignore what is real for a sense of safety. But, this false sense of safety can cause huge problems.
Ignoring a strained relationship or infidelity means you can stay connected with someone who holds you back. Sometimes pretending is easier than confronting but you are only fooling yourself.
Denial can result in poor personal development when you aren’t checking in with the reality of your current state. Often our biggest struggles are what keep us from growing and until we accept them, we’re stuck.
Even medical problems can be ignored when they feel too big or stressful. You might start by brushing off those little things about your health but end in the hospital with a much bigger problem.
As denial, small or big, sticks around, we continue to settle for less and sometimes even lead ourselves into worse situations. It’s a horrible way to live.
If I am in Denial Can I Recognize It and Accept Reality?
We all participate in denial. It’s part of our nature which is at times subtle, and can truly be very hard to address. In simplest terms, we are lying to ourselves.
First, if you’re asking yourself this question, you’re off to a great start. This question means you have worked up the strength to be bold and be better. Fortunately, you can dig deeper and there are a handful of helpful ways you can confront denial.
1) Draw Awareness To Your Body
Consider if you are feeling tense or showing any telltale signs that you might be storing up stress. This simple practice of turning inward can clue you into the physical signs that something is not right.
2) Hear Your Thoughts to Recognize Denial and Accept Reality
Our inner dialogue will speak volumes to our current state of mind. The brain is wired to protect us and it’s our job to double check it’s work.
Recognizing thoughts that brush away reality or downplay a situation is a crucial step to accepting reality. If you find yourself thinking “I can’t believe this is happening” or “it’s not a big deal” you may be slipping into a state of denial.
3) Self-Reflect in a Tangible Way
Even if you don’t like to journal, find a way to brainstorm and write down these thoughts. You can also include habits and your reactions. Look for recurring ways you avoid discomfort, rationalize decisions, or minimize stressors.
4) Investigate Reality to Recognize Denial
Slow down and consider the facts. Take an outside look at situations and compare what you see against what you feel you are experiencing.
This simple act of placing your “truth” in contrast with the cut and dry parts of life quickly exposes the lies you are telling yourself. It’s hard to sit in that realization but it is so crucial to moving into accepting reality.
5) Speak to Reliable Outsiders
Go outside yourself, you already know your perspective is skewed. Talk to a friend, family member, therapist, or coworker that you trust to be truthful but also kind.
Listen to their feedback with an open mind and be ready to hear hard things. To get this honest view and support from someone who cares about you is one of the best ways to confront your denial.
Now I Recognize Denial in My Life, How Do I Accept Reality?
Okay, great, you see how denial is showing up and areas of life that need your attention. But, how do you accept this reality you’re becoming aware of and move forward in a healthy way?
If seeing the denial felt like the hard part, you’ll find accepting reality super hard but so so worth the effort. It’s that same feeling when you confess a wrong or secret to someone and you suddenly feel stronger and free.
The best part is that you are confessing this wrong to yourself and freeing yourself from the weight that is holding you back. It can feel scary but the step back into reality means living a truer and happier life.
Once you have chosen a denial to focus on you have a few options for drawing yourself back into real life. Choose what steps work best for you and be patient with the process.
1) Allow Yourself Grace
Let yourself feel the pain or sadness that comes from reality. It is real and it is okay to feel that discomfort or hurt. Remind yourself that life is hard and wanting to run away from it is so very natural.
2) Point Out The Obvious
Change your reactions from “this shouldn’t be like this” to objective observations. State clearly what is going on and be careful of forming an opinion. For example, “I have this health condition that has not caused any problems yet but if I don’t address it now, I may end up in the hospital.”
3) Change Your Thoughts of Denial to Accept Reality
Then, choose to respond with helpful thoughts that give you both acceptance and direction. For our example you could think “I can’t change that I have this health problem but I do have ways to take care of myself despite it.”
4) Ground Yourself
This confrontation with life can be jarring, so grounding yourself is not only another way to connect with reality while still protecting your well-being. Breathing practices and various types of meditation can help you calm your nervous system into a more stable state.
Finding a more steady footing can also look like seeking help from a mental health professional. They can help you work through the stress and form a better balance of living in the truth you’ve been avoiding.
5) Make a Move to Accept Reality After You Recognize Denial
This part means change and change is hard. But you get to decide what that looks like. Take the smallest steps you want because any step you take into reality is a step in the right direction.
Moving forward can look like making different choices based on this new reality you’re accepting. You are taking that painful situation and moving into something better in a way that is helpful to you.
6) Keep Yourself True
Your accountability doesn’t stop at seeing your denial and accepting reality. The trick is to keep a true view of life and not allow yourself to fall back into comfort simply because it’s easier at the moment.
7) You’re Not Alone, So Act Like It
Talk to anyone and you will find you are not the only one living in denial. Sometimes you can just look at someone’s situation and know they’re living in a lie.
But, those trusted friends and family are the ones to go to. They’ll get it and also want to see you living a happier life. Sharing with them the denials you’ve held also means their stories of struggle are real and meaningful.
We’re meant to be social and connected to others. It’s through the hard parts of life that we can build support together and encourage each other to move forward and grow.
Final Thoughts on Ways to Recognize Denial and Accept Reality
If you’re even wondering if you’re in denial, you’re more in tune than you think. Even if you’re not, hopefully you’ve found ways to see how it naturally pops up and can be detrimental to your wellbeing.
Keeping ourselves in the truth of reality is hard but the alternative is worse. Will you start confronting denial and embrace reality instead?
About the Author
Anna is a twenty-something living in the south. She's passionate about family, crafting, and continuing her education beyond her college degree.