Making Room for Love

By Olga Naiman 

You may be wondering whether the way you design your most intimate spaces can really affect the way you move through the world. I believe that it does, because it happens to me. All the time.

Once I realized that my home and I were in constant dialogue, I began to intentionally design my home to powerfully impact my self-worth, my manifestation, my life. This wasn’t always the case. 

When I now look back on my previous bedrooms, I can clearly see how my design choices were affecting my life – positively and negatively. Each of these bedrooms was featured in national design magazines; they were, for many, considered beautiful. However, the rooms were anything but magnetic. In fact, they were hindering me in the fulfillment of my deep desire: to experience deep, secure love and partnership. 

In the Brooklyn apartment where I lived in my twenties, I was designing to please no one but myself.  I couldn’t understand why everyone around me was partnering up and I couldn’t find my soulmate. I deeply desired a partner, yet looking at this photo, I realize why I was destined to remain single.  It appears as if I’m perfectly content all alone in this reclusive-looking bedroom, nestled among my soft-colored linens and mismatched lamps. And those stacked cinder blocks holding up the bed, doing double duty as visible shoe storage? The message was clear: I was not interested in settling down and settling in; in fact, I could pick up and leave at a moment’s notice, pumps in hand. 

To arrange this space with a partner in mind, I would have replaced my kooky lamps with a matching set on either side of the bed, to represent the kind of calm, solid energy I craved (but didn’t know how to cultivate for myself). A bedframe with a headboard would have allowed my body to lean back, feel held in place, and anchor into my life. I would have designed the space as if the partner was already there. Each item giving me the feeling that I wanted to experience in partnership. This is the key in moving yourself from wanting something to having it. 

A decade later, I had found a mate and started a family in a larger city apartment. The matching bedside tables were more stabilizing, and the color palette stronger and more active. Yet I still felt alone in this bedroom (and often, in our partnership).

The artwork is a clue to my state of mind: the piece over the bed features the head of a man having his tooth removed while being held down, and along the side of the bed is a series of framed butterflies pinned in place. Clearly, I felt hemmed in. The matching tables lacked drawers; we either had to let things pile up or get out of bed to find what we needed.

Chaos set in, and friction built up between us. My partner, Mike, and I felt unsupported and restless—exactly the opposite of how we should’ve felt in the bedroom. Again, without knowing it, I had one foot on the gas pedal and the other on the brake.

This bedroom represents a turning point, as I began to understand how I could use interior design to magnetize the life I long for. After Mike and I made it through a rough patch, we decided to design our bed together. A velvet bedframe delivered the lushness we both needed; orange also references the second chakra, a creational portal that supports intimacy. To ground us and soften any end-of-day edges, we positioned the bed close to the floor, laid the pillows flat, and kept the linens simple. (Mike pulled me back from my tendency toward pattern.) I added striped artwork in activating colors to keep the room—and our partnership—from feeling dull. Together, these adjustments represent the integration of desire and design.

I took me a long time to fully understand how to design a bedroom that manifested the love – including self love – that I desired and needed.  None of the design adjustments were significant or costly; it was all about figure out to integrate desire and design.  

Are you looking for a romantic partnership?  Or perhaps you’re already partnered but your relationship could use some reinforcement. Or maybe you’re simply looking to socialize with your friends more often. 

You can design more intimacy and connection into your home, calling it in whether than waiting for outside circumstances to change. Start by identifying any literal, physical roadblocks that exist in your home.  Is your living room furniture mismatched?  Are your kitchen stools uncomfortable?  

Some key furnishings that support connection are:

• Sectional seating
• A side table or coffee table in easy reach of all chairs
• Storage pieces that accommodate the needs of many
• Furniture (chairs, bedside tables, lamps) in pairs and multiples, to program companionship
• Armchairs and occasional chairs that can be pulled together for large gatherings
• Game tables in living rooms and other hangout spaces

Some key details that help promote connection are: 

• Chairs facing a sofa, as if they are in conversation
• Framed views with strong focal points (to draw people in)
• Flower-filled vases and pots, colorful signs of welcome
• Floor pillows and loungers as extra seating 
• Photographs and family heirlooms that reinforce a sense of togetherness
• Baskets with lids to store toys and games and to hold extra throws and blankets
• Vintage items to provide a sense of warmth, especially in modern homes
• An art gallery wall around the TV in the living room (having something interesting to look at when the TV is off encourages other kinds of togetherness)
• Artwork in the bedroom that encourages union (i.e., no solitary figures)

It’s important to note that you don’t have to buy anything new in this process. Instead, you can use what you already have in a more conscious way, adjusting and calibrating. Once you begin to feel the results of these shifts, you start to generate momentum toward more of the things (in this case, feelings) that you want.

In my experience, it is faster to make changes in your physical surroundings than it is to change who you are. If I am shifting my home with specific big-picture intention, it will have more of an effect on my life than if I design for style alone. When you focus on making your home resonate with who you are becoming, you begin to see it in a different way. It goes from an inanimate collection of objects to a deeper extension of you, a living being whose essence reflects your personal narrative as well as your future. 

How will you know you’re on the right track? When you notice yourself feeling more alive and attuned to more pleasure in your home. Next come more recurring signs, symbols, and coincidences. Doors open in unexpected ways. Each of these is marker of the universe speaking back to you, in response to your raised awareness. When you understand the impact your home has on your manifestation, you truly tune into the practical magic of home. 

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By Olga Naiman