Dear twenty somethings,

I’ve been having epiphanies about what it means to date in 2014; the millennium of non-thinkers and non-doers. This is a generation that enables a lackadaisical existence while pretending to constantly have an existential crisis. What are we females supposed to do about this? Well, naturally we cave and frankly, it’s pathetic and I’m sick of it. We accept ‘hang outs,’ ‘hook ups,’ ‘group hangs,’ and ‘sexting’ and view it as relationship stimuli. It all means that he likes you, that you’re basically seeing each other and seeing each other means dating and dating means you’re in a relation- wait, why is he kissing that other girl? Aren’t you guys a thing? And pop goes the crazy. See what I mean? No clarity whatsoever. These idle cohorts of so called men need a swift slap in the face. And so do we, ladies! We need to step our game up and stop drunkenly falling onto the lips (or beds) of guys at bars and wonder the next morning why our love life isn’t what we want it to be.

I’m not walking the walk yet, I have done everything in my power to not have a successful relationship and I did it all unknowingly. I am the perfect example of what is wrong with females in this millennia. I’m not being hard on myself I am only realizing now why I have been so unsuccessful. Let’s start through the list, shall we?

I can’t remember when I last really liked who I was and what I represented.

It is so evident that I probably don’t have to bring it up but this is number one. It ties in all things relating to YOU and what makes you YOU. I’ve had a pretty troubled past and it has taken a toll on my self-worth and has held me back from living a life I’ve dreamed.  I’ve used relationships to bring life back into my life, I was just waiting for the next boy to come along and ‘save me’ *cue gagging sounds.*  It took me a while to figure out the fact that I didn’t have a life of my own, was a huge red flag. I didn’t have hobbies, a healthy way of relieving stress, or responsibilities to myself. I went to work and expected to see my boyfriend every night and text me every day. So, to my utter disbelief and shock *enter six years of mental strokes,*my relationships always ended. I was always left with nothing because I HAD nothing to fall back on. I found this quote on Tumblr (obviously my quote source of choice) and it is my past summed up in 24 words:

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“Perhaps the fact that I chased a boy that ripped me to shreds says a lot more about me than it did about him.”  – Unknown.

Honestly, I can’t say it any better than that.

 I’ve been living a life of impressing THEM and not MYSELF.

What kind of crock of shit way to live is that? I’ve always been the girly-girl. There is nothing I love more than an excuse to buy a party dress and another Urban Decay Naked palette. What I’m saying is, I have never felt forced to look good, I always wanted to, but for “who” was the problem. Going to bars with friends, I would always dress up and try to look as sexy as possible because my crush would be there. I wore things that made me feel uncomfortable, did my make-up in a way that I didn’t feel was flattering and wore heels that I wanted to rip apart and burn at the end of the night. It was all for him, never for me. I would sign up for a yoga class so I could be fit for him. I would read a book he liked, check out bands he listened to, etc. and after all that I would still not get the guy. SHOCKER. I’ve started embracing me: my own sense of style that suits what I want to represent myself as (ps. modcloth is currently a favorite), expressing my own opinions and interests, and I feel more confident than I have in a really long time. It was difficult to realize I, and I alone, was worth the effort and not someone else.  It is still a daily battle to remind myself of this but it’s definitely possible, and I’m unquestionably worth it.

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I have accepted everything but an actual date.

When was the last time a man asked you, word for word “Would you like to go on a date with me?” I can’t remember either. I started reading this book called It’s Just A F****** Date by Greg Behrendt & Amiira Ruotola. This triggered my epiphany of self-discovery with its witty knowledge and disturbingly accurate portrayal of my past relationships. The book is about the journey to grasping the idea that you are worth an ACTUAL date, not a hook up or hang out. I vote we take a vow:

I,  ____________ , vow to no longer reply to booty calls or 2am texts. I will not accept invitations that include the lines ‘we should hang out,’ ‘we should grab drinks,’ ‘plz just let me see your boobz,’ and anything else involving a winky face. When I tell a man that I will only accept being asked on a date and he does not do so, I will not cave to my inferiority and say “Oh, JK! Hahaha.” And lastly, booze is just a quasi-relationship partner. Repeat as needed (this will be a lot).

Dating this day in age is obscenely skewed and it is time for it to be straightened out. We will have to give up on a few really good looking lays (boo-hoo), stop kissing cute guys on first ‘hang outs’ (a lot harder than it sounds), and stop thinking that we are not worth more (we got this). It’s a new phase of romance in our twenty something lives!

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So the boys better buckle up, we’re about to show them what real women are like.

Until next time,