Moving in with your significant other can be both amazing and frightening. No matter how in love you are, it’s a big step and there’s a lot that will inevitably change in your life when this time comes.
One of the most important things to remember is that you need to stick to the person you are and take that with you when you are moving in with someone else. It’s easy to lose yourself as you make that transition into moving in together. It’s also easy to get mixed up in the greatness of it all that you ignore the small issues slowly building up.
Since I have moved in with my boyfriend, there have been many things I have learned and it’s only the beginning. We have a few months down and a whole lifetime ahead of us.
I have to admit, though, it hasn’t been an easy transition for me. I miss my parents house, which I called home for 24 years. I miss my doggies, even though my boyfriend has three dogs whom I love and adore that are now ours. I miss a lot of things that came along with the perks of living life on your own.
Despite that, I wouldn’t trade anything for the life I have now. I’m very happy with my life, with my boyfriend, and with our home and the life we are making… together. The fact is, this is a transition that takes time to get used to.
The Little Things
Transitioning into sharing your stuff, sharing every part of your day and almost every privacy can be the most overwhelming aspect and take the longest to get used to. On top of that, living together introduces a whole new aspect of communication — it’s time to talk about the little things that bug you. Whether it’s the way you prefer to use the kitchen, your home cleanliness habits, the way you like to have the TV on before falling asleep — all of these things are important issues that you may have overlooked before making the big move.
It’s all these little things that can become issues of frustration if you don’t address them. There’s a difference between choosing your battles wisely and not telling someone how you feel about something. Yes, you shouldn’t nit pick over small and irrelevant things, but ultimately, now that the two of you are sharing a living space, you will need to be more vocal about the ground rules and operations of your home.
Start taking initiative and then your partner will follow. If you don’t like when they leave a dish lying around after it’s been used, tell them. They may need you to lead by example and pick up the dirty dishes, and they will start to do the same.
But don’t get that twisted with picking up after the other person all the time. That’s not right either. Both of you share the space and it is both of your responsibility to balance the upkeep a home entails.
Essential Reading: How To Navigate a Tough Conversation
When it comes to telling the other person how you feel about something, choose a good time to sit down together and talk it out calmly and rationally. There’s no need to even argue over it. Calmly tell each other what’s been bugging you and how you feel about it. Then discuss a solution. Don’t dwell on what you aren’t doing right, rather focus on what you can do to make the problem better.
Choosing your battles wisely is important. Again, don’t start an argument over something petty or that’s not a big issue. Those things can be talked about calmly. If you must start an argument, make sure you are arguing over something very important and something that is serious enough for you to be upset or frustrated about. Even then, it’s best to talk it out calmly. But I know that doesn’t always go as planned.
If there’s one important thing I’ve learned about relationships, it’s being kind towards one another, in every aspect. Don’t spit your words at each other–I mean that figuratively of course–instead use kindness. When you communicate effectively, then things start becoming much smoother and it becomes easier to talk with your partner about anything. It also creates for a healthy and positive environment for both of you to be around.
Figure out what’s important for both of you and what you each need and see what needs can be met, and what can be compromised. Learn to give each other space when it’s needed, and also know when your partner needs you to be there for them.
There are so many transitions, personal changes, and things to learn when you start to share your life with someone. Moving in together doesn’t have to be as frightening as some people say. It can be beautiful, wonderful, and fun!
But remember that it’s a learning process and always will be. Just as it’s said that you never stop learning throughout your whole life, the same can be said for relationships. You never stop learning and growing, together. They key to not growing apart is to always maintain a healthy relationship that has plenty of love, trust, loyalty, respect, communication, and kindness for one another.