Brutal Honesty

Dearest twenty-somethings,

I hope your summer has been wonderful, enlightening, and a little more relaxing than mine! I have decided to make this past month about brutal honesty with my relationships.

My love life has always been a struggle because I could never really express what I wanted out of the flings I got myself into. I am a dramatic and emotional person; I get way too attached to TV characters and I feel like that says it all (it is actually the reason why I have commitment issues). I understand that there is a ‘dating game’ and I have to play hard to get and act like my schedule is as busy as Beyoncé’s, but that’s exhausting. I have tried to be the play-it-aloof kind of girl, but I am way too much of an emotional slut for that kind of stuff. So, with that all explained I figured being honest with my roster of guys was the best thing for me and my sanity. 

Whenever a guy I was interested in would start hinting at wanting to hook up I would tell him I had my fun and was looking for something a bit more serious. I could see how this could be taken as brash/crazy/kind of out of nowhere/I’m psycho. So I’ll put it in perspective; when he says ‘I want to have really rough sex with you’ I figure it is time to tell him that I’m not in the random hook up kind of place anymore.

Another example was a man I met at a football game, we exchanged numbers and he texted me later that night asking me to come to his place. I told him he could see me again if he asked me on an actual date and I am 100% positive he thought I was joking. Another one bites the dating dust. This has eliminated so many superfluous guys and emotional stress in my life. I know where I stand and what he wants from me and those are the two facts that usually drive an unknowingly girl crazy.

I found this quote saying “It’s so rare to find someone who shares the same intentions as you.” It expresses my dating life to a T.

Then, the oh-so ruthless cosmos decided to grace me with someone who did share in my intentions but, of course, he lives in another country. I met him while I was in Vegas and I recognize it is pretty silly to fall for a guy you met in city like that. But some things are just undeniable and intentional – like you were meant to meet that person because they will affect your life in some way.

We stayed up all night talking, eating, fooling around, and it was comfortable and I was at ease. I unfortunately live in Canada and he lives in the States; he kept asking me, and still does, to move there and it’s just about the cutest thing. I am planning to go visit him during winter since he lives somewhere warm and I barely need an excuse getting out of my wintertime climate. I can hear how unconventional and probably even silly this all sounds, but some things you just have to have explore and risk. What are your twenties about if you don’t fly to a state to hang with a guy you only met once (I hope you’re all picking up on my sarcasm)?

In all seriousness, I’d do anything to hold on to something that makes my life shine a little brighter. I don’t even know what I am expecting to get out this relationship – he is 29 and I am 23, we live in different countries, I am still lost in life and he is settled in. I just figure that the universe is a ridiculous place and I will follow happiness wherever I can find it. 

Now that my summer is basically over I am focusing more on my direction for the rest of the year. I am registering in University to begin my Marketing Certification in the winter semester. I am also working/failing on paying down my summer debt that I racked up on my JUST paid off credit card, le sigh.

Also, now that I have sufficiently gained 20 pounds in alcohol/drunchie (snacking on everything because you are hammered) weight, it’s time to burn off my Palm Bay belly. As fun and interesting as my summer was, autumn is my favorite season. I’m antsy to bring out my cliche white girl with knits, pumpkin spice lattes, and colorful fallen leaf Instagram pics. Finding someone to romp around in leaves with is always a bonus too. 

Until next time,

Jane