As we enter our twenties we grow up and evolve in so many different ways. You become more self-aware and your priorities change. Life is less about the superficial things you once cared about and more about being a better person. Part of that growth is making sure you surround yourself with the right tools and people to help you achieve your goals.
Friends have always been important to me and I treat them as if they are family. However, there comes a time when friends grow apart because life pulls you both in different directions. Andrea Bonior, PhD, author of The Friendship Fix: The Complete Guide to Choosing, Losing, and Keeping up With Your Friends, says “If you don’t like who you are when you are with this person, then it’s not a healthy friendship.” Realizing that one of your oldest friends no longer benefits your life anymore is hard.
Friends should support, listen, give advice, tell the truth, and most importantly make you laugh. When a friend causes you more stress than support, it’s time to move on before it gets worse.
There are three types of friends you need to cut from your life:
- The Mean Girl: This is someone who feels like they need to be a bitch to prove their worth and in turn makes you more of a bitch, too.
- The Obligation: She is probably someone you have known for a long time but don’t really know why you are still friends. You hang out because you feel like you have to, not because you want to.
- The Taker: This girl only focuses on herself and her problems when you are together and has no idea about your life.
It is not easy to break up with a friend, but there are two ways you can try. The first is to distance yourself from that person. If you can faze them out without them realizing, they were probably never the friend you thought they were.
The other way to cut ties with someone is by having an honest conversation. Let her/him know how much you care about and value them, but that your lives are on different paths. Hopefully your friend will understand. If you have a hard time with confrontation then write an email. It is the best way to say what you want because you have time to process your thoughts and feelings.
Navigating your twenties is hard enough without the added drama of an unworthy friend. Don’t let them take all your time and energy. You have people in your life who love and care about you. Those are the relationships you should work on. These are the people who will still be around for years to come. They will be there to lend a shoulder to cry on or laugh your ass off when you need it. Why make your journey through life harder by holding on to the negative friendships?
I always thought that I could never let go of certain people because I cared so much about them. But once I did, I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders that I never knew was there. I can’t reiterate this enough: always choose to surround yourself with people who will help you be the person you want to be.