not married

As a twenty-something transitioning into a fully-fledged adult, it’s hard not to overlook the differences between yourself and others. It’s hard not to compare, even though we try to convince ourselves we don’t care what others think. It’s only human to care, we can’t help it.

When I see my friends from high school getting married, having kids, and settling down, it makes me wonder about where I’m at in my life.

I believe that most of us go through this stage in our twenties where we find ourselves being the only single one in your group of friends. When this happens there are stages of feelings that we go through.

First we feel so happy it isn’t us and we’re so happy for our friends. Then we start to notice that more and more of our friends are dropping like flies ( AKA settling down) and it seems like you haven’t but that’s OK because you totally will… right?

Then you go through the stage of wondering if you even want that. Do you want to settle down or do you really love living your life the way you please to? You’re happy doing things on your own, but wouldn’t it be nice to have someone to come home to?

Then from there, if that is what you want and you haven’t found it, you start to question yourself, your life choices, and pretty much everything about your life. You start to wonder if you will ever find the right one to settle down with. You start to wonder if you really even want kids anymore. Is that something for you? Are you really the maternal type?

Questions upon questions swirl in your brain as though they will never go away without being answered immediately.

It can be frustrating and even leave you feeling lost. You might be feeling like life just seems to pass you by. Where did the time go? All of a sudden you’re 25, still single, no promising significant other by your side.

While on the other hand, the stages I mentioned above can lead you to knowing for sure that you don’t want any of that. Maybe the single life is totally for you, and you have no thoughts of having kids or settling down anywhere on your agenda for the next decade or so. If that’s you, then I applaud you. You probably don’t feel lost or frustrated, at least not when it comes to relationships. More power to you; keep on doing you!

But if you are the one who is feeling lost, know that you’re not alone. I’m at the stage in my life where I’m questioning if I ever want kids or ever want to settle down. I believe I feel this way for two reasons; one because of the relationships I’ve been in, and two because of the type of person I am. I want to find the right love not just any love.

Some might think it’s a high standard while I, on the contrary, do not. I don’t believe in settling for the next great guy that comes along just so I can start a family and be somewhat ‘happy.’

I believe in waiting for the guy who has as much passion as I do and who believes in true love the way I do. Therefore, when I see my friends settling down and having their babies, I feel somewhat relieved it’s not me at the moment.

I know people say you won’t ever be ready until it actually happens and I suppose that’s true. But I guess I prefer to live my current days working hard towards becoming a professional writer, enjoying time with my family and friends, and as far as love goes, maybe taking a lover in the meantime. Why not? By lover I mean a person with whom I can spend time with and have all the perks of being in a relationship without actually being in one. I suppose it could be fun and I can still focus entirely on me for the moment.

It’s reality to see friends around you during your twenties settling down. It’s normal for you to question your own life because of it.

We will always want answers to what our lives will be like in the future. The trouble is waiting to see. You can’t force love. You can’t force yourself to settle down without literally settling for any person that comes your way.

You will fall in love with the right person when it is meant to be.

But I’m not saying to wait around either. You have to go out and interact with people to meet someone new. Then when you meet the right person you’ll decide whether or not you want to have kids. It’s the trials of love and the trials of life.


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